(woman) Oh, look, her first high-end retail-shopping experience.
Her nanny used to try to take her to babyGap, but she'd just cry and cry.
She was a professional shopper at age three.
Remember her on the cover of Seventeen?
(woman #2) She had so much potential. She could have been a Playmate by now.
Hello! She's a lawyer. That's way better.
- Why? - There she is.
- You always said she has the... - ... perfect-shaped head for a tiara!
(tittering)
- Look at that slime-dog. - Urgh.
It was so nice of you guys to make this for Elle's wedding shower.
I mean, I can't scrapbook worth a damn.
I took a class on it at community college.
- She got a B. - Plus.
- Aww! - The day she passed her LSAT.
- I swallowed some of that silly string. - It wouldn't be the first time.
Oh, look at that. Her first day at Harvard.
- Unbelievable. - Awesome.
The Bend and Snap. Ohhhh.
I love that. I did it last night, naked.
- You did not? - Yep. I busted a window.
Oh, my God. There's Bruiser's first highlights.
Is this the key to her first office?
Remember that Caribbean décor? It was genius.
Oh, look, there she is with Congresswoman Rudd.
That's when they started the Harvard Alumni Woman's Event.
That's two kick-ass women. I like them. I really like them.
Ohhh. The first day they met.
- Emmett loves her already. - You can see it in his eyes.
Emmett and Elle. They're truly Romeo and Juliet, without the dying.
Paulette?
Oh, my God. Girls, I think it's her.
- Quick! Lights out! - OK, OK.
Paulette?
I thought we were supposed to be at the movies by nine.
Surprise!
Oh, my God. Margot, Serena, I cannot believe you guys flew all the way here.
- No biggie. - On the contrary, it's a huge biggie.
Thank you. You guys are the best.
Hey, speaking of biggies, can we see your ring again?
Oh.
- Not your Delta Nu ring, Elle. - Oh, you mean this one?
(gasps)
Clarity between FL and VVS. Nice girdle diameter. Cut, impeccable.
- It's a keeper. - Thanks.
- Dun-da-da-da-da. - Oh, my gosh, it's from Emmett.
Look, that's me and Emmett on Fenway baseball field.
It's his favorite place in the whole world.
I love snow globes.
I can hear the ocean.
Listen, honey. You're a full-time bride now,
so you're gonna need a whole new wardrobe.
Oh, I'm not quitting my job, you guys.
Remember that feeling we used to get during a really intense spinning class?
That feeling that we feel so truly amazing about ourselves.
That's how I feel being a lawyer. I love it.
Actually, I have this huge annual review coming up, so keep 'em crossed, girls.
Cross.
Congratulations, you did it.
With three wrong answers, you've managed to totally undermine
the entire foundation upon which our legal system's built.
By the way, it only took me two wrong answers.
(wedding-march tune on phone)
Sweetie, you customized my ring? Again?
Emmett, you are never going to believe my news.
- What? - Fenway Park.
You, me, two rings and one recently ordained umpire
right on the entry field.
- Infield. What are you talking about? - OK.
The starting pitcher for the Red Sox has an unfortunate unibrow problem.
He goes to Nadia, my waxer. So he pulled some strings with the site manager
- and we're getting married at Fenway. - Are you serious?
I mean, are you sure this is what you wanna do?
I mean, me, I could get married anywhere and it wouldn't matter.
That's a lie.
I'm getting married under the Green Monster!
Yes!
And in just three months and four days. Emmett, we have so much to talk about.
I want everybody who matters to us there.
(yapping)
Oh, my God. I almost forgot.
- You want me to what?! - A biological-birth-parent search.
- For your dog? - For my Chihuahua, Bruiser Woods.
I found him abandoned years ago.
Look, miss, I'm the highest-paid,
most sought-after private investigator in Boston.
That's why we came to you.
It is vital that we find Bruiser's mother, and pronto.
His father might be a little more difficult. You know dogs.
- May I ask why? - Of course.
Martha Stewart Weddings recommends a 4-6 week window for RSVPs.
And I can't send the invitation without an address.
The sooner I start on all that calligraphy, the better.
You wanna send a wedding invitation to your dog's mother? And you're serious?
If I have to make room for my second cousin's vegan diet coach,
I'll make room for the mother of the one creature who's always been there for me.
In fact, I can't believe I haven't done this sooner.
I'm thinkin' the same thing.
- Elle. - Hi, Mr. Blaine.
- The client is thrilled. - Oh, good.
How you seamlessly negotiated that deal, well, it was simply magnifique.
- Big staff meeting today, kiddo. - All right. I got my fingers crossed.
- Oh, Milton, two shots, extra foam. - Wow. Thanks, EW.
- No problem. - Got get 'em today.
- Soy for you, honey. No dairy. - Thank you. Your call list is endless.
- It is? - We better get right on it.
Kevin, you shouldn't have.
We're not sure they'll promote me today.
It's just a widespread yet credible rumor.
It's from me and the girls.
Oh, right.
Now do me.
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Me too.
I had no idea I could be this happy without accruing credit-card debt.
Already?
Well, even the weird ones get cracked. Are you ready?
Yes.
- Bruiser Woods... - (yaps)
...meet your mom.
Bruiser, your cheekbones.
And it's all in there.
Good luck finding whatever it is you're looking for.
Oh, my God! She's a Bostonian.
Bruiser, we're here.
I'm sure you're nervous about meeting your birth mother. But hear her out, OK?
Like everybody, I'm sure she had her reasons.
Your mother lives at the secret Versace think-tank! I told you they had one.
No, ma'am. Unless you have a pass, you cannot go up there.
Oh, lucky I always keep it on me.
Hold on. It's right here.
Here you go.
What is it?
It's my double-platinum VVIP Versace preferred-customer ID card.
Available only to those who've shopped on five continents.
If that fails to satisfy you, contact Billy Daley, head of customer relations.
- You got the wrong Versace, lady. - Really? So Donatella's not here?
Bruiser, where are you going? Bruiser!
Ma'am!
Bruiser!
Come back here! Where are you going?
Bruiser, I didn't know you were so athletic.
What is it?
Oh, my God.
You. Come here.
Come on. Open this door immediately.
- Who are you? - You have my dog's mom in there.
I need her to come out right now.
I'm not authorized to release any subjects from their units.
I'm not even allowed to have a key.
You swallow it one time
and you're the weird key-swallower who can't be trusted.
OK, I don't think you're understanding me. I'm willing to pay for her.
They aren't for sale. They're the property of this facility.
And what kind of facility is this?
I'm so sorry. Elle, this Versace is a cosmetic-testing facility.
And poor Bruiser's mom is a test subject there.
Oh, no! I want her out of there immediately.
They can only be surrendered on a voluntary basis.
They're not volunteering.
After I'm through, they'll be begging.
And I'm not just taking Bruiser's mom.
I'll bust all the dogs out of that dungeon.
"Research Science And Critter Exploitation?"
This VERSACE is owned by C'est Magnifique.
That's fantastic. Our law firm represents C'est Magnifique.
We can just tell them to fix this. I can't wait to take this to the partners.
OK, but how are you gonna convince them?
Presenting Bruiser Woods, Chihuahua. Who am I? Where do I come from?
Abandoned at birth, I was on my own at an early age.
Fighting for survival on the mean streets of Beverly Hills.
Making his way down the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.
Turning tricks at Hollywood and Vine.
Yet even when I found a loving mother,
I couldn't shake this emptiness in my heart.
It was like a void. When I looked in the mirror, who was it looking back at me?
This is Bruiser's question. And, in a way, aren't we all Bruisers?
I think "Yes. " Thank you.
Miss Woods, this is a law firm, not an animal-rights advocacy group.
We're lawyers. We have to fight for justice. And this is definitely unjust.
I'd have to say, in this case, the cost of beauty is way too high.
I can't believe I said that, but it's true.
What we fight for is our clients and their best interests.
Yes, but isn't doing the right thing in everybody's best interest?
I think you're confusing the right thing and the law.
- You didn't think they were the same? - (laughter)
Why don't we get back to business and discuss your very bright future?
Pardon me. I don't mean to interrupt. But I just, um...
What you're saying is if C'est Magnifique
follows the letter of the law,
even if it ends up hurting living beings, we're just doing our job?
I'm sorry Mr. Blaine, I just don't think I can work with people who believe that.
- You know what? You're right. - Thank you, Mr. Blaine.
You shouldn't have to work with such people.
Absolutely. I knew you would understand.
- You're fired, Elle. - What?
We only have room for serious lawyers here.
Take the rest of the day to clear out your things.
But the secretarial pooI already gave me a balloon.
Keep the balloon, if you wish.
(sobbing)
Please, Emmett, just go away.
Why don't you come on out, sweetie? I know Bruiser doesn't blame you.
But I am all he has to speak for him in this world
and I've completely failed him.
You know what I thought the first time I saw you?
"God, that woman wears a lotta pink"?
No. I thought "That woman is really special."
"She believes she can make a difference, and she will. "
So, come on out and let's talk about it.
No.
We could go over some wedding details.
- How about that? It revolves. - And it illuminates.
Wow! It's even got the Red Sox colors. That's fantastic, honey.
Speaking of red socks, you're not getting cold feet, are you?
- About what? - How's it gonna look?
A Harvard professor married to a lawyer who got fired from her first job.
Fired for something she believes in.
It's gonna look like "Hey, there goes the luckiest guy in the whole world. "
Thanks.
(baseball jingle)
Holy crap.
It's gorgeous.
(softly) The material keeps falling apart.
No.
Amy, is something wrong?
You can't do a scallop trim on the skirt.
The material's too delicate. It'll just fall apart.
But in two out of three home tests it held.
I am so sorry, Elle.
No biggie. I guess I don't need a scallop trim on the outer-hoop skirt.
I'll be fine.
What is it you said
when I couldn't fit into a white spandex pantsuit for my wedding?
If the fabric doesn't work with you,
don't work with it - one of my favorite mantras.
That is so true, and I know the most perfect organza.
Or something really classy, like... like white leather.
I'll call the guy that did my car seats.
Wait. That's it.
Don't fight the fabric. Change it.
OK, but white leather?
If the law's keeping Bruiser's mother locked up,
I shouldn't be fighting it, I should be changing it.
Everybody, I'm gonna make animal testing for cosmetics illegal.
I know that making a dog wear mascara and blush is wrong, but...
This isn't just about Bruiser's mom.
Every day that I put on my Gold Goddess luminescent blush,
some poor innocent animal might be suffering for it.
You don't realize how horrible something is until it happens to you.
Like breast-feeding.
If I wanna give a voice to Bruiser,
I have to go where they give a voice to the people.
Oh, my God!
The headquarters of Cosmopolitan magazine!
Better. Ladies, I'm going to Washington.
- DC, here I come. - If anybody can handle this, it's you.
And I just got a call from the Delta Nu 24-hour-housing hotline.
- Your apartment's all set. - Great.
Elle!
Oh, my God. You look like the 4th of July.
It makes me want a hot dog real bad.
Yeah, OK. Well, you gotta get goin', honey.
Elle, look at this.
According to Animal Fair, your boss is the best-groomed woman in Washington.
And her beagle's name is Dolly Madison, which is my grandma's stripper name.
Isn't that a good sign?
A job with a brilliant congresswoman who's a fellow Harvard alum.
You're gonna do great, Elle. It's destiny.
But isn't planning the wedding of the century and changing the law kinda hard?
Paulette, I taught Bruiser how to shop online. I think I can handle Congress.
See ya.
♪ If there's a key to this hidden door I'm gonna find it
♪ And there was never a doubt
♪ 'Cause I have the power
♪ To change my life one day at a time
♪ Hour by hour, I'll be fine
♪ I'll be all right
♪ Whoa, whoa, I'm gonna break through
♪ I'm gonna have some fun, that's what I'm gonna do
♪ La la la la la, la la la la la, don't bother me...
Home, sweet home. Are you ready? OK.
- Welcome to the Wellington, ma'am. - It's a thrill to be here.
Time to legislate.
No.
Too Nancy.
Too Hillary.
Too Monica.
Too perfect for words!
Hi.
Good morning, fellow public servants. It's my first day.
(yaps)
- Ooh, nice briefcase. - Huh?
Thank you.
OK, last item on our agenda: Elle Woods.
Personal Rudd hire. Taking up a bill on animal testing in the cosmetic industry.
- Rudd's backing that? - Matter of conscience. Whatever.
Maybe it'll boost our female demographic.
The point is, we're animal lovers now.
Wait. If this is suddenly so important to Rudd, shouldn't I be handling it?
No, Timothy. Not when we have a woman who, according to Rudd,
"is one of the shrewdest legal and political minds of our time. "
Hello, patriots.
I haven't been this excited since Gucci became a publicly traded company.
Oh, my God. It's CapitoI Barbie.
- She's so shiny. - OK, so where shall I start?
Excuse me, sweetie? Intern orientation is down the hall, hon.
In room 216. That's before 217 and after 215.
Oh, my God. That is so sweet of you. You think I'm an intern?
I guess that anti-wrinkle all-salmon diet really works.
- Who are you? - Elle Woods! Welcome!
I haven't seen you since the alumni meeting.
- How are you? - Good.
This is Elle Woods, everyone. Basically me, when I first came to DC.
So make her feel at home.
- Ready to hit the ground running? - Are these not my comfortable heels?
- Oh, cute shoes. - Thank you. They are comfy.
Here's Bruiser. Welcome.
(makes kissing sounds) You little sugar.
Now, back her up, people.
Elle, this is the most collaborative bunch on the Hill.
So gather them together, talk strategy as soon as you get settled in.
And Elle...
- Yes? - Welcome to Washington.
Thank you.
Okey-dokey. Well, um... I missed the part about where my office is.
The desk. Right here.
Oh.
All righty. Well, then I'm going to need a glue gun, some pinking shears,
and five yards of grosgrain ribbon. Yeah, that'll do it.
Well, look at you. You can run your wedding-coordinator business
during all that legislative downtime.
Oh, don't be silly, Grace. This is to plan my own wedding to Emmett.
See? This is us. He had this made for me. That's him and that's me, smiling.
Maybe he'll make one of us. You'll be talking and I'll be throwing up.
Speaking of nuptials, wait till I tell the congresswoman
that I was invited to John McCain's nephew's wedding.
- He's really quite a sweet kid. - Tell me something, Timothy.
Is it difficult for you to breathe
with your mouth flat against your employer's butt?
It is difficult to see with your head in the minority whip's lap?
It was the distinguished gentleman from Iowa,
his wife had recently left him, and we just talked.
'Cause if you did "visit his district,"
you should have gotten legislation out of it.
How would you know, when you're busy chasing around interns on a skateboard?
Excuse me. Who wants to talk animal testing?
Write a bill, Britney. I don't have a car.
(all argue at once)
Snap Cup time.
♪ Gather ye round
♪ Friends and foes together
♪ United and bound
♪ Pass it to your neighbor instead of blowing up
♪ And we'll find harmony and love in a Snap Cup
OK, don't tell me you don't know what a Snap Cup is.
OK, I'll explain it. You are gonna write down a little anonymous praise note.
- A little warm fuzzy. - Warm fuzzy?
Yes. Compliments about your co-workers. Just something nice.
And then you're gonna deposit them in the sacred vessel.
The Cup is essential to any bipartisan environment.
Consider the 1998 spring carnival.
The Delta Nus partnered with the Kappa Kappa Gammas on Project Kissing Booth.
Big problems. Go ahead. Write.
A heated debate transpired over the whole tongue/no-tongue policy.
I think you know what side the Kappas were on.
But it helped us move past the conflict, and I think it can help us today.
So let's just try this, OK?
Thank you, Reena. Thank you. Thanks for that.
Thank you, Timothy.
OK.
So now, the Snap Cup mistress, me, recites.
Ooh, good. I got mine.
"Grace always has the confidence to speak her mind. "
"Plus, she looks terrific in charcoal."
And voilà. Snaps for Grace. Do you see?
Our first Snap Cup. This is so exciting. I wonder what'll happen next?
All right. This is a good one.
OK. "What do Elle Woods and the Snap Cup have in common?"
Ooh, a riddle. That's so cooI. I love riddles. OK.
"They're both...
stupid. "
OK, enough already. Maybe we can do something actually worthwhile.
Like attend the hearing of the committee you need to crack. I'll take you myself.
Thank you, Grace. That's very generous of you.
See, I think the Snap Cup really works.
Wow.
This is just like on C-SPAN. Except I'm not bored.
You're in the wrong room. Intern orientation's in room...
216? Yes, I've heard. Thank you.
- Hi, I'm Elle Woods. I'm not an intern. - Rob Cole. Me neither.
I'm the new legislative aide to Congresswoman Rudd.
I'm an old congressman from Delaware.
I've been to Delaware. No sales tax. That's a good one, sir.
The committee is called to order.
Oh.
Welcome to this special meeting of the...
Pardon me. Sorry.
...Committee of Energy and Commerce.
Before we turn to our official agenda, are there any introductory remarks?
Madam Chairwoman, Grace Rossiter, Chief of Staff,
Representative Rudd, Massachusetts.
As our newest legislative assistant will soon be spearheading a campaign
under your committee, I'm sure she'd love the floor.
Thus I yield to my colleague - the lady in hot pink.
- You have the floor, lady in hot pink. - Me?
Would you care to more specifically identify yourself?
Oh, sure. My name is Elle Woods, Boston, by way of Bel Air,
and as my surname would suggest, I'm a passionate advocate for nature.
And a contented citizen - until my short-haired Chihuahua, Bruiser,
brought me face to face with the animal-testing issue.
You're out of order, Miss Woods. This is a fuel-efficiency hearing.
I don't see anything in the agenda about animal testing.
- Will you yield the floor? - Absolutely. I'm almost done.
So, in conclusion, I just want to say that I'm so excited about the day
that I get to march up those grand CapitoI steps
and drop that very bill in the, um...
What's it called? It's like a shiny, mahogany-box thing.
- The hopper. - Right. Exactly. The hopper.
How could I forget? It's like a bunny. Perfect for animal testing, right?
And I'm having a post-hopper tapas party.
I'm making sangria. It's really yummy.
Oh, my, oh, my. How very interesting that all sounds.
It'll be fun.
However, the next time you consider
attending a hearing over which I preside...
don't.
Oh.
- Committee is called to order. - OK.
Welcome to the special meeting of the Committee of Energy and Commerce.
For the record, would the secretary please...
Welcome to the Wellington, ma'am.
Uh, 17B?
You... you have a package.
Inside that box are the most perfect wedding shoes ever.
Visually stunning and cleated.
I won't be able to wear them,
since I won't make the date for our fantasy baseball wedding,
given that I have no chance of getting anyone to co-sponsor my bill,
which I need to get a hearing to stop animal testing,
to reunite Bruiser with his mother, to have them at my wedding,
in which I was gonna wear the most perfect wedding shoes ever -
right inside that box.
They never covered this in the handbook.
They're... they're something, all right.
You think?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Elle Woods. Legislative aide to Congresswoman Rudd.
- Massachusetts. - Sid Post.
Doorman. That... that door.
All day long I've felt like open-toed shoes after Labor Day.
I hate that feeling.
Wha-whatever that means.
I guess I'd better get going.
If I'm gonna pass a law, I'm gonna have to work up some sort of plan of attack
with the Committee of En and Ron, or whatever.
Bye, Sid.
- Uh, Com. - What did you say?
It's called the Committee of Energy and Commerce.
Oh, yeah, right.
Thanks.
This is really important to me, Grace.
They wouldn't cover my nana's anti-itch cream,
so she only has one free hand for bingo night. If I could just get a hearing.
Where's your bill, Reena?
The lawyers can't draft it for six weeks.
But if you could talk to his aide, I could at least get on the agenda.
We pushed prescription drugs last term. I have a lot of issues that come first.
Reena, if Grace finds herself otherwise prioritized,
maybe you could talk to this aide yourself,
or directly to the congressman.
Don't you have something to alphabetize?
In fact, now that I think about it, with Reena's clear passion for the project,
who better to write this bill than Reena?
Me?
It's like I always say: why let someone do for you what you can do for yourself?
- Except for eyebrow maintenance. - We always say "Follow protocoI."
It's worked for the past 200 years. OK, Miss Snap Cup?
Stick it out with the lawyers. They'll get to you eventually.
OK, this is the new congressmember roster.
Just a dollar. Don't you believe in helpin' a guy out?
What I believe in is an honest day's work for an honest day's pay.
- Not rewards for idleness. - Fifty cents?
Leave me. Go bother someone else.
- People here have no common courtesy. - Wanna get a hearing for your bill?
Get Congresswoman Hauser. She needs a political makeover.
Sidney?
- Who needs a what? - Oh, Hauser.
Tough redhead on En and Com.
If she could put her name on something warm and fuzzy,
i. e. something like puppies, that could do the trick.
Really? What if I showed her the photos of what they're doing to these animals?
That... that'd work...
...with someone with a heart.
Hauser responds to facts, figures and demographics.
- You gotta do your homework. - How did you learn all this?
I've been on the forefront
of all political and social scandals for the past 30 years.
- You worked in the White House? - No, no. At the Wellington.
After Hauser, you'll need Stanford Marks, Alabama Republican.
A real hard-ass.
Sidney, you are, without a doubt,
the most useful person I've met in Washington.
♪ I'm just a bill, yes, I'm only a bill
♪ And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill
♪ Well, it's a long, long journey to the capital city
♪ It's a long, long wait while I'm sitting in committee
♪ But I know I'll be a law someday
♪ At least I hope and pray that I will
♪ But today I am still just a bill
♪ Well, then I'm off to the White House, where I'll wait in a line
♪ With other bills for the president to sign
♪ And then I'll be a law
♪ How I hope and pray that he will
♪ But today I am still just a bill
- Hauser's margin in the last election? - Four points... 52-48.
- Hauser's chief? - Hall, Ted, 34, moderate, tough.
- Marks' aide? - Murphy, conservative, tougher.
- I think you're ready. - Thank you, Sid.
Fo' sizzle, my ezle.
♪ But how I hope and pray that I will
♪ But today I am still just a bill
I borrowed this.
(door opens)
Oh... Excuse me.
Given the historical tendencies of her voting pooI,
animal testing is the very issue your platform needs.
Which brings me to my demographic...
Which brings us to the end of our time.
- I'll bat it around with my colleagues. - I'm not done with my presentation.
- Is Friday good? - The second one in November?
The line starts down there.
But wait! I won't even be here in November. I'm getting married.
If Congressman Marks is unavailable,
you could look at my alternative-testing economics-incentive chart.
But it's pop-up.
All right, I'll read this homeowners' legislation this weekend.
Five more minutes and I'm due in committee. Reena?
Reena's drugs for the elderly amendment, rejected during mark-up session.
- Sorry, Nana. - Elle, where are we with the animals?
- Still not on the calendar. - Grace, help Elle with this.
All right, everyone, let's get going. I'll see you all later.
Grace, I think that I could get a meeting with Hauser's aide.
Please. You could have 100 meetings and it still wouldn't matter.
This is Washington politics, not warm fuzzies and kissing booths.
It take savvy and street smarts.
I've seen thousands of polite, idealistic girls just like you,
who traipse up and down this hill, and all they do is go home empty-handed
with blisters on their feet.
Thank you, Grace.
You know, you reminded me of something really important.
I came here to get my dog a voice and I'd forgotten about my own.
So you can do it the Washington way, but I'm gonna do it the Elle Woods way.
Time to get serious. Subject: Congresswoman Libby Hauser.
Came of age in post-war boom typified by 1951 Charles Jourdan stiletto heel.
Moving up to the head, which is red, suspect chemical assistance.
Must pursue. Hit me, Post.
118 salons within a ten-mile radius, broken down by color expertise
and "philosophical approach to hair maintenance and style. "
I didn't know you could have a philosophy of hair.
- Oh, yeah. - Maybe that's where I went wrong.
(phone)
- Go for Woods. - It's just as you suspected.
She's at a moderate, conservative salon founded on the principles of Vidal.
In fact, it was one of our case studies last year at hair university.
That was right before they flunked me.
They just weren't ready for your vision.
I know you'll make your mark, hair-wise.
- Ow. - Oh, sorry.
- Hey, you got a pen? - Yes.
It's at Constitution and 12th. The salon Bontempo.
Don't you just love a salon day?
Yes. So peaceful. And quiet.
- So much easier to talk that way. - They have rules about that here.
Oh, I know. That's why I called to be sure they use PETA-approved products.
If you think what they do to animals...
Which is why I don't think about it.
Does the trick.
Excellent bobby-pin handling. Thank you, Frederic.
It looks great. Thanks.
Isn't it so comforting they use eco-friendly foil technology here?
Every planet needs a friend.
If I wanted to talk about the emotional life of a rock, you'd know it by now.
Until this day, I held the highest opinion of redheads
as a fellow hair-minority group.
I heard quite enough of your politics at the committee meeting,
thank you very much.
When was the last time you wore the yellow tea rose?
I'm sorry. What did you...?
When was the last time you wore your tea rose?
On the night of my initiation.
Wasn't the passing of the flame of the goddess Delta Nu the most moving thing?
Especially the part where we sipped from the Secret Pink Chalice of Sisterhood!
Oh...
Delta who?
Delta Nu.
Delta, Delta, boo-ga-loo.
- Nu, Nu, Delta. - Nu, Nu, Delta.
Theta, Beta, Lambda, Mu.
Ooh! Aah! Delta! Nu!
Libby Hauser, Texas. Planning a wedding?
That "I do" updo looks like heaven on you.
- Thank you. - Who is he? Zeta Lambda Nu, I hope.
I'm marrying outside the Greek system. But he's totally letter-worthy.
But how is DC Elle-worthy?
I'm here to speak for those who can't speak for themselves.
How interesting.
It's more than interesting, it's practical.
Strictly a numbers game, as far as you're concerned.
125,468- number of people in your district with dog licenses.
12,762- the number of unemployed scientists
able to develop alternatives to animal testing.
And finally, 6285- the ID number of my dog's captive mother.
I'm not sure I followed all that, but you got my attention.
If there's one thing I know how to do, it's rinse and repeat. Shall we?
- Excuse me, do you happen to have...? - Get lost.
- Excuse me, sir... - No, I'm busy.
Do you happen... Could I use a section of your paper?
Come on, hurry up. We're late for the doggy spa appointment.
- Oh, well, thank you, young lady. - No problem.
What kind of world would it be
if we didn't help each other out once in a while?
Have a good day.
What do you want, Bruiser?
Bruiser, honey, come on.
We have to go. We're late. Come on.
We have to get to the doggy spa. Will it be Swedish or Shiatsu massage today?
Come on.
Come on. We gotta get you to the Puppy Pretty Parlor. Come on.
Redhead, down.
Up next is Stanford Marks, southern conservative NRA spokesman.
Ooh. How 'bout tulips?
No, no. The calla lily is this year's tulip.
- For weddings? - It's all about the calla.
What would I do without you? I couldn't do anything without you, Sid.
You're gonna get this bill through, Elle.
An honest voice is louder than a crowd's.
- Just... just trust your voice. - (phone)
Oh.
Bruiser? Oh, my God. I'll be right back.
Pilates for poodles? Yes, that's Tuesday at 2.30.
The page said it was urgent. Tell me he's OK.
- What's wrong with Leslie? - It's under controI now,
but your Rottweiler has been humping your little dog. And vice versa.
Your Chihuahua's quite the little leaper, young lady.
Takes a running start.
My Rottweiler's a stallion. Tell me somethin' I don't know.
And in our household we support a healthy curiosity.
Testosterone is natural.
Wait. Did you say stallion?
Wait a minute. Your dog, the one wearin' that ridiculous pink skirt in the park.
- Why would she have testosterone? - It wasn't a skirt. It was a skort.
- Men wear skorts. - What the heck is a skort?
And what does a man wearing one got to do with it anyway?
Leslie is a Les. The Rottweiler is a guy.
And Bruiser is a male dog who happens to enjoy wearing pastel.
The canines are both male.
Your dogs are gay.
(whimpering)
All the signs were there. I just didn't see them.
Most dogs like to chew your shoes.
Bruiser liked to wear mine.
- I just thought he liked the height. - You just want what's best for 'em.
Doesn't matter if they're the smartest or the strongest or the best diggers.
As long as they're happy.
Why me? Why my dog?
I told Doris not to buy it in Dupont Circle.
That damn homosexual puppy boutique.
- Stanford Marks. You can call me Stan. - Elle Woods. Very nice to meet you.
The girl with the perfumed poo baggies.
With the scented waste receptacles.
Wait. Congressman Stanford Marks?
As in the NRA spokesman, Alabama Republican, Stanford Marks?
It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
No, Congressman. The pleasure is all mine.
- Well... - Believe me.
Here's to getting things done the Washington way.
Your chief of staff has just gotten herself a meeting with - wait for it -
Chairman Stan Marks, in just four short weeks.
- Congratulations, Grace. - Yes.
Oh, yes. OK. So, who wants to bet over/under on Ms. Woods' departure?
- Right now it's at six days. Reena? - No, thanks.
Oh, come on. Anybody? Who wants to take over six days?
I'll take it, Grace. I've been so busy. I'm sorry I'm late.
Reena, could you be a pal and tell me what I'm doing a week from tomorrow?
And that outfit looks fantastic on you.
It really brings out the color in your eyes.
Thanks.
It's at my "I brake for sample sales" bookmark.
At nine, sample custom-color wedding-cake frosting.
Ten, rehearse speech. Eleven, Commerce Committee hearing.
Twelve, exfoliating treatment.
Yeah, you can go back to that one at eleven.
Eleven o'clock, Commerce Committee hearing.
That's what it says. I'll be appearing before Libby Hauser,
Stanford Marks and the Committee of En and Com.
Just a hop, skip and a jump away from a floor vote.
Nice try. But you have to get a bill before you have a hearing.
Like this one?
Like I was saying to the congresswoman over caramel macchiatos,
"Is bill-writing super fun or what?" I think so.
Where is that Elle Woods? Oh, my God!
- Libby just told me the news. - She did?
Never underestimate a woman
with a French manicure and a Harvard law degree.
That's very sweet of you. But I couldn't have done it without your inspiration.
I'm honored. What did I tell you? This girl is special.
Actually, I didn't do it alone.
The entire team helped me. It was a group effort.
Good work, guys. Really good work.
You.
Thank you, Reena. You're a sweetheart.
And I guess I will see you at the hopper.
Ask not what your friend can do for man,
but what you can do for man's best friend.
The Committee will now come to order.
HR-2562, aka Bruiser's Bill.
Victoria Rudd sponsoring a ban on animal testing in the cosmetics industry.
I'd like to welcome you all as we consider this important issue.
You will hear expert testimony from both sides
and I ask that you keep your ears and your minds open.
It's my first congressional hearing. Can you believe it?
I come to you as a citizen and a scientist
with the National Institute of Health for 25 years.
During which time it's become clear
these supposed alternatives to animal testing
aren't alternatives at all.
I took this office to represent my two-legged constituents.
Recently, I saw an item in a pet store with the label
"This product is tested on humans. "
- Now that's a problem worth discussing. - (laughter)
While the bleeding hearts try to distract us from the facts
with their saccharine talk of wagging tails, cold noses
and other sentimental mumbo jumbo, consider this:
where we see softness of heart, we often see softness of mind.
And so to move on such a bill at this time
would wreak havoc on already unstable local economies across the country.
Now, that's... a problem... worth discussing.
You know I'd do anything for ya. But that is one tough room.
You'd better be prepared tomorrow. Excuse me, ladies, I've got to go.
You've had a bad day in court before. They make their case and we make ours.
Yes, but that was bad.
They're posturing for their constituents.
I think we have the votes in committee even without your testimony.
But they have scientists and economists and facts...
So do we. Elle, listen to me.
Go home. Have an early evening.
- (phone) - Sorry.
Victoria Rudd. Yes.
Ah. Hang on one minute, will you?
Go home. Try to relax.
And, Elle, don't think like them. Think like you.
OK. Thanks.
- Good night. - Good night.
Bob, how are you?
I'm leaving the CapitoI right now.
- Thanks. Nice work. - Oh, uh...
- Sid? - Oh, sorry. This happens all the time.
My break is almost up, but I wanted to get you this before tomorrow.
Oh, great. Let's walk.
Sidney, this is brilliant. How did you know all this?
Hundreds of dogs walked and thousands of plastic baggies.
This is perfect. This is exactly what I need.
Well, of course I appreciate your support. Why wouldn't it continue?
I'm already on record on that issue.
Ah.
All right. I'll do what I can.
Don't push me, Bob.
I'll do what I can. All right. Good night.
- Listen, I need to call in my favor. - I'm listening.
I've changed my position on Bruiser's Bill.
A man who controls a political machine!
Boy, he's good. He is really good.
I'm really glad we're watching this. This is good for you.
I'm worried about how I'm gonna get all this wedding planning done.
(imitates James Stewart) I want you to follow my lead in Washington.
And always make sure Bruiser wears a sweater.
- Is that Sean Connery? - No, that's not Sean Connery.
Seriously, honey, don't worry about the wedding.
Just give 'em hell tomorrow.
The Chair now recognizes legislative aide Elle Woods.
- Thank you, Mr. Chairman. - Ah! There she is!
Guys, she really did it.
- Ms. Woods? - Well, I'll be damned.
Representative Kroft, that lip gloss looks absolutely sensational on you.
- I'm sorry. What? - It's Raspberry Macaroon, No. 156.
Company shall remain nameless. Is that correct?
Well, yes, yes. But how...?
What if I told you that you owe that special bounce in your step
that comes from finding the perfect lipstick,
to the pain and suffering of innocent animals?
What if I was to tell you, Congresswoman Madeline Melanie Kroft,
that you owe your Raspberry Macaroon... to him.
My best friend.
Bruiser.
How many times has he acted on my behalf? Countless.
But today I get the opportunity to speak for him.
Who do you speak for?
- (barks) - Aaaaah!
Congressman Fuchs,
the next time you reach for your overnight-moisturizing gloves...
It's nothing to be ashamed about. More men should use them.
...consider what you're willing to sacrifice
in the name of beauty and soft cuticles.
Are you willing to sacrifice animal welfare?
Or how about, just say, the welfare of one animal?
Like Jelly, your childhood pal. That striking retriever-black Lab mix.
You know about Jelly?
When children refused to play Lone Ranger with you,
who was it that was always your Tonto?
- Jelly Belly. - (sobs)
(elephantine nose blowing)
(continues to sob)
Mr. Chairman,
when you look in the almond eyes of your Rottweiler, Leslie,
does it not make your heart glow with warmth?
With all due respect, I wouldn't go that far.
When he learned to differentiate between seven kinds of pipes
and fetch each one on command, did you not swear to protect him
with every shotgun in your charming little ammunitions case?
It wouldn't come to that. This is a dog we're talkin' about. Leslie is a dog.
But if you could speak for Leslie, what would you say?
What would Leslie want you to say for him, Mr. Chairman?
Stan.
(sobbing)
Oh, to hell with it.
My Rottweiler, Les, is of the homosexual orientation.
- (gasps) - There. I said it. I'm out.
My name is Stan Marks. I'm a Republican, NRA spokesman, and my dog is gay.
And guess what? I couldn't be prouder of the little flamer.
I don't care how good my hair looks slicked back with high-dollar pomade.
Just one long stare into that sweet sissy dog's eyes
and I know no cosmetic could ever be worth it.
- (yaps) - Bruiser's Bill.
- Bruiser's Bill! - Bruiser's Bill!
Bruiser's Bill!
We did it, man.
Bruiser's Bill.
- Important legislation for our time. - (mouths)
Hey, Bruiser. Good work, little guy.
I'd like to conclude this by thanking you for your testimony...
Mr. Chairman.
The chair recognizes the gentlewoman.
Mr. Chairman, committee members,
I would like to thank you for your consideration of this bill.
However, after further reflection on
the budgetary realities of this fiscal year,
I feel I must withdraw my support for Bruiser's Bill.
- What? - I concur with the congresswoman.
Everybody, calm down.
I'm sorry, Bruiser.
I'm sorry too, Elle.
I know you think I've let you down.
Believe me, I thought about your reaction maybe more than I should have.
You were outmaneuvered.
- By Grace. - Grace?
For the last two sessions,
she's been pushing this homeowners' incentives bill.
This morning, she struck a deal.
I withdraw my support for Bruiser's Bill,
homeowners' incentives comes to a vote.
That was the price and I paid it.
That's all just deals and trades and secrets.
That's not what people want.
Elle.
I'm sorry.
(children recite) Government of the people, by the people, for the people.
So what's your story?
Were you even honest?
I mean, I guess you were.
If you didn't play games, then I think you're probably the only one.
I just don't know how you did it.
I don't even mean wearing that silly hat - that was really brave.
But... just trusting your country.
Trusting this system.
Trusting yourself.
I did.
Go on. It's full of warm fuzzies.
With extra fuzz.
"Elle Woods has amazing lateral delts. "
That was my target muscle group of the month.
Snaps for Elle's lateral delts.
"Elle Woods inspires us. "
We even put little hearts over the "i"s.
I see that.
That was my idea, but...
Thank you, Timothy.
Thank you, everybody. This is really nice.
But I... I just don't think I'm cut out for this.
Elle, we have a plan. Two words for you: discharge petition.
With a couple hundred signatures,
we can spring it straight to the House for a vote.
I don't know. That sounds really complicated.
You've come further than any of us,
while maintaining your bounce and sparkle.
None of us ever thought one person could make a difference until you came along.
If I remember correctly, isn't that, like, 218 signatures?
It's not that hard.
Yeah. Yeah.
I guess I know women with more shoes than that.
- Wait, that's me. - (laughter)
Elle, it's time to finish what you started.
A lot on the agenda today. Reenie, I'm still waiting on those floor speeches.
Timothy, I need you to do recon on that campaign-finance-reform hearing.
Grace, status meeting in my office right away.
I said "N... ow. "
- Where's my staff? - They quit.
Without notice.
Why?
Marks and Hauser just filed a petition to discharge Bruiser's Bill.
I'm pretty sure that's where your staff is.
Led by their commander, Sorority Sue.
Petition to discharge HR-2652, aka Bruiser's Bill...
carried with no objections.
The petition is officially filed and available for member signature.
Actually, we are strictly "bring your own" on the discharge petition.
But it's pink. And scented.
Gives it a little somethin' extra, don't you think?
We've both signed it. As you can see.
- I believe we're being dismissed. - There will be others to come and sign.
- Don't you like pink? - Come on.
Up on your feet, people.
Discharge-petition time.
- Upsy-daisy. - (snoring)
We have our work cut out for us. Let's go.
OK, we have two signatures. We have 216 to go.
I'll break up the country into color codes. Timothy, you'll be teal.
Reena, you're going to be magenta. And Elle is gonna be marigold.
I've got the Wellington covered. 37 signatures in residence.
OK, Sid Post, 37.
Congress adjourns in three weeks. We can't do this alone.
That's why I'm calling in reinforcements.
The brightest political minds, I hope?
(doorbell)
- We're here! - (screams)
(screaming continues)
(general squealing)
Oh, gosh, we can't wait to see the mall.
And the Statue of Liberty!
Everybody, these are my Delta Nu sisters. This is Margot and Serena.
Josh made the cruise boat pull over in Puerto Vallarta.
I left LA right after landing a lateral split in the third-quarter dance break.
It was awesome. I went "Yah!" and "Haa!"
- That's so great. - Yeah, it is. Thank you, thank you.
- So, is it time? - Oh, no. It's not time yet.
- (phone) - (gasps)
Hello?
You're here? OK, we'll meet you in the lobby. Let's go.
Elle!
This is the final member of our team, Paulette Parcelle.
Who's ready to discharge?
And proposition a bill and...
whatever.
Let's hit the Hill.
If I could have a moment of your time...
No. Mm-mm.
You could consider something...
Quadrant four, corridor six, have lost one.
Sorry. How are you? If I could have a minute of your time.
Reena, how are you? Has anybody told you about Bruiser's Bill?
Is it trivial?
Animals just don't have the same reactions to drugs that humans do.
It's like when my trainer's cousin's girlfriend gave her Yorkie some Phen-Fen
because she was just a bit fat, and it gained three pounds.
Desired result? I don't think so. You know?
Oh, my dear, gifted woman.
You tell that Bruiser Woods he can count on the Sunshine State.
Thank you, Ohio.
Thank you, Atlanta!
Who's next?
You're next.
We're gonna do it.
Serena, why do they keep sending us to room 216?
- "Intern orientation. " - (gasps)
Margot, you're a genius.
If this doesn't get more signatures, I don't know what will.
(whistle blast)
Intern class of 2003 on deck!
Remember, flexibility counts.
Ready? OK.
♪ Oooh...
♪ Dogs of the world unite
(panting)
♪ Bow-wow-wow yippie-yo-yippie-yea Bow-wow yippie-yo-yippie-yea
- ♪ Bow-wow-wow yippie-yo-yippie-yea - ♪ Bow-wow yippie-yo-yippie-yea
♪ Do the dogcatcher, dogcatcher
♪ Do the dogcatcher
♪ Do the dogcatcher, dogcatcher
♪ Do the dogcatcher
♪ Woof
♪ Two, four, six, eight
♪ Sign the petition, win a date
♪ Go, Bruiser's Bill
- Go! - Whooo!
Well, I'm signing!
Yes, Bob, I know what you're reading.
Are you kidding? Your support has been invaluable to me.
If it weren't for you, I'd be painting my own posters.
I don't care if she has two weeks left. She could have two years left.
She's not gonna pull this off.
I will not be outmaneuvered by this silly little blonde.
Don't worry, Bob. I'll get her.
And her little dog, too.
Even with the entire Wellington and 68 haircuts, we're not even close.
We got a problem here. The bad news is...
Reena...
(violins play)
Wow. You... you... you look amazing.
It's just layers and highlights and a cellulose finishing rinse.
I did it.
- CooI. - OK, so what is the bad news?
We lost Hannenfeld. We hoped he'd bring Felsen, Parks and Janowitz on board.
I talked to Hannenfeld myself and I confirmed with his aide over breakfast.
Well, I don't know, then somebody must have got to him at lunch.
It's Grace.
I'm looking for Grace. I want to know if she'll be back from lunch soon...
- Elle. Hi. - Oh, hi.
I was just gonna call you.
I was just... I was looking for Grace.
The discharge petition.
Yeah, we lost Hannenfeld and I wondered if Grace knew anything about it.
None of that is important any more. Could I speak with you for a moment?
Sure.
You did it, Elle. You won. You can collect Bruiser's mom anytime you like.
What?
If you promise not to be disappointed in me again, I'll tell you.
I pulled a few strings.
C'est Magnifique is releasing all of their test animals.
- All of them? - All of them.
And they've been so impressed with how you've handled yourself down here,
they want you to come on board as head of their legal department.
- It's a very generous offer, Elle. - I don't know...
You did it. You did what you came here to do.
But what about the discharge petition? This isn't about just one animal.
I agree. But you've got a great team. They can carry on without you.
C'est Magnifique wants you up there by Monday.
You can go home.
- Congratulations, Elle. - Wow. Thank you.
- Thanks for doing that. - Sure.
We have to stick together, us Washington blondes.
Do you know who Hannenfeld had lunch with today in the members' dining room?
I skipped lunch today. Had a facial.
Oh, OK. All right, well, thanks.
- I'll call you about that. - Yeah.
Emmett, I know you're probably in class,
but I want you to call me back when you get this.
I think I'm coming home. But it's a good thing, though. Maybe.
Call me back.
- Will you leave us alone now? - Excuse me?
I know you've been working against us and I know it's personal.
- You don't like me. - Clearly.
If I leave Washington, will you call off the fight
and let Bruiser's Bill have a fair shot?
Your bill is trivial to me. I have my own agenda.
Like the homeowners' bill that you pushed through at our expense?
The homeowners' incentives? I wouldn't touch that bill.
It's a tax break for the wealthy.
Haven't you been pushing it for the last two sessions?
Look, Victoria has a live interview with Connie Chung in an hour.
I don't have time for this.
That's the interview she's preparing for?
She's in make-up right now.
She's in make-up?
Mike test. One, two, three.
Is Ms. Chung available?
I'd like to go over some ground rules before we go live.
Yes, OK. Thanks.
Doesn't she have a beautiful complexion? She's like a PSA for SPF.
Oh, thank you, Elle. I thought you were gone.
Home? No, no, no. I'm not ready yet. Epidermally speaking, that is.
I'm feeling a little bit muddy.
I need a light exfoliation followed by rich hydration,
and thought "Victoria will have a good recommendation. "
Sweetie, this isn't the best time.
No, no. I know you're very busy, so I already called your facialist.
But she said you didn't come in today.
Oh, no, no. I went someplace else. Someplace new. Is that all?
No, that's not all.
Every woman knows a good facial can be a painful experience if done properly.
Likely to result in red, blotchy areas all over your skin.
Swelling, tenderness in your T-zone area in particular.
Even more so if your facialist is Eastern European,
as many of the best are.
- Payback for the fall of communism. - What on earth are you talking about?
Isn't it the rule there's a 24-hour window
between a facial and any major occasion,
such as, say, a date or a dance or maybe an interview with Mrs. Maury Povich?
That's not a rule the most well-groomed woman in Washington would easily forget.
- Could we clear this room, please? - You lied to me about your lunch hour.
Why? Because you were having lunch with Hannenfeld?
You've been lobbying against us all this time.
For God sakes. That's enough. Thank you. Out. Out, out, out. Out.
Thank you. I'll be with you in a moment.
Yes.
I lied to you. I killed Bruiser's Bill.
But you're an animal lover. What about your beagle?
She's not mine. I borrowed it. And it reeked.
Looked good on the sofa, though. Elle, we've been through all of this before.
I traded your bill for the homeowners' bill that Grace had committed me to.
That's a lie. Grace never wanted that.
You blocked this bill, nobody else, and I wanna know why.
- Why? - Yes, why?
Why does anything ever happen in Washington? Survival.
You have no idea what it takes to get here, to stay here.
The money it takes? And it happens that my chief financial contributor
has purchased half share in a major cosmetics company.
And they want to continue testing on animals.
So much so that they'd bankroll my opponent in next year's elections
if I did not kill your bill.
I trusted you. I looked up to you.
I can't do anyone any good if I'm no longer here.
But you're not doing anybody any good.
Nobody in your district, not even yourself.
And I'm sorry, but I can't let that happen.
You can't prove why I changed my vote or how I blocked your bill.
It's your word against mine, and I've spent 20 years
building up my credibility in this town and back home.
I'm not gonna go to the press. I don't believe in blackmail.
But I do believe in the people, and I'll take Bruiser's Bill to them.
The people believe what we tell them to believe.
It'll never work, Elle. You can't get the people to care.
Watch me.
Ladies...
It's time.
You mean...? Are you sure?
As sure as I am that nobody looks good in paisley.
- Are you with me? - Um... I think so.
Serena?
Yeah. Yes, we're with ya, Elle.
Go for it.
♪ We got more bounce in California
♪ Than all y'all combined
♪ We got more bounce in California...
(phone/alarm)
Oh, my God.
Delta Nu president. Chapter 2-6. ID No. 097435. Third from the top.
6234978. Fifth from the top. Calling to activate phone tree No. 255.
Call to activate phone tree 255.
This is not a fire drill. I repeat. This is not a drill.
Sisters mobilized. ETA 0800 hours.
♪ Sisters are doin' it for themselves
♪ Oh, yes, we are
- Hi, Heather, it's Buffy. - Hi, Kiki, it's Tiffani.
- Hi, Audrey, it's Melanie. - Hi, Christy, it's Nat.
- Hi, Binky, it's Nicki. - (deep) Hi, Allison, it's Cookie.
You will never believe what happened. Elle just called, and she needs...
- Yeah, where the president is! - There's an emergency in Washington.
(all speak at once)
(all) OK. See you in Washington.
♪ There's something happenin' here
♪ A thousand people in the street
♪ Singing songs and carrying signs
♪ Mostly say, hurray for our side
♪ We better stop, hey, what's that sound?
♪ Everybody look what's goin' down
Save Bruiser's mom. Help me out, call a friend.
Save Bruiser's mom. Ooh, I like your necklace.
♪ Power to the people
♪ Power to the people, right on.
♪ Oooh-la-la, oooh-la-la
Gay dogs of America support Bruiser's Bill.
Hey, miss, save me a good one.
- Full-color, big picture of Bruiser. - Emmett! What are you doing here?
- Wedding research. - What?
Look, Elle, your work is here right now. And it's important.
So I'm bringing the wedding to you. First step: get groom to Washington.
But what about Fenway Park?
Look, I don't care where I marry you, just as long as I do.
I do. I do.
Feels good.
So what's step two?
That's step two.
Save Bruiser's mom! Save Bruiser's mom! Save Bruiser's mom! Save Bruiser's mom!
♪ Oh, say, can you see
♪ By the dawn's early light
♪ What so proudly we hailed
♪ At the twilight's last gleaming
♪ America, America
♪ America
♪ America, America
Grace, are you all right?
Save Bruiser's mom! Save Bruiser's mom! Save Bruiser's mom! Save Bruiser's mom!
Rutherford, check. Porter, check.
Hutchins, check.
- Uh-oh. That's it. - It's not enough.
Tomorrow's a wash. It's National Education Day.
Got a meeting of both houses, ceremonial speeches...
There's no time for politicking.
Sorry, Elle. We tried.
We have to keep trying. Hello?
You want those last 15 signatures?
- Grace? - It'll take something extraordinary.
You'll have to pull something no regular citizen would ever dream of.
OK, fine, but how am I gonna do that?
You'll address Congress, and I know just the person to make it happen.
Who? I mean, is that even possible?
Look, Elle, you may be above blackmail, but I'm not.
- Grace, why are you helping me? - Once upon a time I loved politics
and I wanna do some good.
What's that got to do with me?
Look, those silly girls that I told you about with the blisters on their feet?
I was one of them.
We have celebrated today elementary education,
secondary and higher education.
And now...
(mouths) Don't even think about it.
And now...
(laughs uncomfortably) This is a little unconventional.
With the speaker's and the president of the senate's permission,
please indulge me as I share the floor with my constituent,
who, in the spirit of education, would like to educate us all
on a vital issue facing us today.
Ladies and gentlemen of both houses,
I give you Ms. Elle Woods.
(tentative applause)
It's all yours.
Thank you, Congresswoman.
Hello, everyone. My name is Elle Woods,
and I'm here to speak to you today
about a piece of legislation called Bruiser's Bill.
But, you know, today is supposed to be about education.
So I wanna tell you about the education
you've given me in the past three months.
- What about Bruiser's Bill? - She's blowing it.
See, I came to Washington to help my dog Bruiser,
and somewhere along the way I learned a really unexpected lesson.
I know what you're thinking. Who is this girl?
And what could this simple, small-town girl from Bel Air
have to say to all of us?
Well, I'll tell you. It's about something that's bigger than me,
or any single act of legislation.
This is about a matter
that should be of the highest importance to every American.
My hair.
You see, there's this salon in Beverly Hills. It's really fancy and beautiful.
But it's impossible to get an appointment.
Unless you're Julia Roberts, forget it.
But one day they called me. They had an opening.
So I was gonna finally get the chance
to sit in one of those sacred beauty chairs.
I was so excited.
Then the colorist gave me Brassy Brigitte instead of Harlow Honey.
The shampoo girl washed my hair with spiral perm solution
instead of color-intensive moisturizing conditioning shampoo.
Finally, the stylist... gave me a bob.
With bangs.
Suffice it to say, it was just wrong.
All wrong. For me, you know?
First I was angry. And then I realized my anger was completely misdirected.
This wasn't the salon's fault.
I had sat there and witnessed this injustice and I just let it happen.
I didn't get involved in the process.
I forgot to use my voice.
I forgot to believe in myself.
But now I know better.
I know that one honest voice can be louder than a crowd.
I know that if we lose our voice,
or if we let those who speak on our behalf compromise our voice,
well, then this country...
this country is in for a really bad haircut.
(laughter)
So speak up, America. Speak up. Speak up for the home of the brave.
Speak up for the land of the free gift with purchase.
Speak up, America.
Speak up!
And remember, you are beautiful.
Thank you.
Everyone, it's time I spoke up. I think Timothy's smokin'.
I'm married.
♪ They'll try to stop the dream we're dreamin'
♪ But they can't stop us from believing
♪ And they will fill your head with doubt
♪ But that won't stop us now
♪ So let them say we can't do it
♪ Put up a roadblock
♪ We'll just run right through it, 'cause
♪ We can
♪ Do the impossible
♪ We have the power in our hands
- Thank you. - ♪ And we won't stop
♪ 'Cause we've got
♪ To make a difference in this life
♪ With one voice, one heart, two hands
♪ We can
♪ Do the impossible
♪ We have the power in our hands
♪ And we won't stop, 'cause we've got to make a difference in this life
♪ With one voice, one heart, two hands
♪ We can
This week Congresswoman Libby Hauser finished decorating her house,
sent her son off to college,
and negotiated a settlement between the San Antonio labor unions
and the department of sanitation.
Snaps for Congresswoman Hauser.
♪ Put up a road block, we'll just run right through it, 'cause
♪ We can
♪ Do the impossible
♪ We have the power in our hands
♪ So we won't stop, 'cause we've got
♪ To make a difference in this life
♪ With one voice, one heart, two hands
♪ I can... do the impossible
Now we're married, where do you wanna live?
Beverly Hills? Boston? Washington?
- I think I know just the place. - Yeah?
♪ We can
♪ Wanna quit and give up
♪ Simon says to pack it up
♪ Shot down from all sides
♪ Don't know why I try
♪ So take this and kiss it
♪ Your politics won't miss it
♪ I wanna go back to LA
♪ I don't belong, that's what they say
♪ They said don't try to change the world
♪ You're just a girl
♪ So it's me against the world today
♪ I'm gonna do it my own way
♪ And though nobody understands
♪ I'm gonna make a one-girl stand
♪ It's not Independence Day
♪ I can't waste time on what they say
♪ If we believe and we have faith
♪ We're gonna change the world someday
♪ They said don't try to change the world
♪ You're just a girl
♪ So it's me against the world today
♪ I'm gonna do it my own way
♪ And though nobody understands
♪ I'm gonna make a one-girl stand
♪ It's not Independence Day
♪ I can't waste time on what they say
♪ If we believe and we have faith
♪ We're gonna change the world someday
♪ There's a time when we're all in need of healing
♪ There's a time when the thunder wakes you up
♪ Just believe in the power of a single honest voice
♪ And all you'll need is two fingers and a palm
♪ Snap Cup time
♪ Oh, Snap Cup time
♪ Snap Cup time
♪ Oh, Snap Cup time
♪ Snap Cup time
♪ Snap Cup time, Snap Cup time
♪ Gather ye round
♪ Friends and foes together
♪ United and bound
♪ Pass it to your neighbor
♪ Instead of blowing up
♪ And you'll find harmony and love
♪ In the old Snap Cup
♪ Just remember to speak your mind and say a kindly word
♪ And very soon you'll be marching up that aisle
♪ Don't forget that sense of style
♪ Snap Cup time
♪ Oh, Snap Cup time
♪ It's Snap Cup time ♪