Caspar, what are you doing?
Training for the Winter Olympics. What are you doing?
Well, whilst you've been training for the Winter Olympics,
- I've come up with an idea. Look. - Whoa!
- That's a lot of words for you, Joe. - Yeah, I know.
What do they mean?
So, you know how you've never had a job?
Like a proper, proper job?
Stop rubbing that in.
So I thought, right, how about we go on a road trip
for a week, no YouTube, no phones and no money?
We've just got to work our way around Europe.
What do you reckon?
I think I'd be a lot better at that than you would.
Well, you carry on thinking that
and whilst you're thinking about that, can you please take the rubbish out?
'Cause it's been here for about a week and it stinks.
Oh!
- Uh, Joe... - Yep?
I've got a problem.
I think everyone knows you've got a problem, Caspar.
- What is it? - There's a massive ledge here.
You are useless.
This is going to be an absolute disaster.
Hold on. I think I need a run-up.
Hello, or should I say buongiorno!
Because we're in Venice, Italy.
Oh, and we're in a camper van, right?
But it's not just any old camper van.
It's a Volkswagen Transporter T2.
Joe, you're not Jeremy Clarkson and this isn't Top Gear.
Okay.
Tell them where we really got the camper van from.
Okay, we borrowed it off Oli White's parents.
No, you did not borrow it, you stole it.
What is the definition of stealing?
You got the keys from my house and just drove off.
Joe! Joe!
I went through a green light, why are you shouting at me?
Why is Joe driving? He can't even reach the pedals.
I think we're about five minutes away from a little café
where we're going to meet Greta, who's an Italian YouTuber.
- Is she nice? What? - Oli!
- Look at him. - She's your type!
Really?
Oli! Hey! Hey!
Hold on, let's stop here.
There's an ice cream place, how about I go get four ice creams?
Yes, please.
Come on, that's a nice little present.
- Chocolate? - Yeah, chocolate.
I'm having chocolate as well, right. Four chocolates.
Two scoops, please, Oli.
Wait there, I'll be two minutes.
- 30 minutes. - An hour.
Yeah.
Oh!
I was kind of looking forward to an ice cream
but this is way better.
Guys?
Caspar?
Joe?
- This must be it here on our right. - Oh, yeah, it must be it.
- It must be. - Wait, wait, wait.
- Oh, I can see Greta. - Yay!
Yes, we found it, we found it, we found it.
- Greta! - Oh, hi!
- Good to see you. Joe. - Hey, nice to meet you.
- Three kisses? - Yeah.
Oh, pizza.
So, we're in Venice, and...
Is there any jobs going round here that'd be interesting to do?
Well, uh, Venice is a very romantic city.
I've been thinking, maybe you should be gondoliers.
- Like the, the boats? - Yeah, what do you think?
Does sound quite cool.
But first, I think you should take lessons, you know?
And I have a friend of mine that...
She teaches people how to become a gondolier.
We definitely, definitely, definitely need lessons in something like that.
- Let's do it. Sweet. - Come with me.
- Hi! - Hi, Greta.
So this is my friend, Julia.
- Hi, Julia. I'm fine. - How are you?
- So, this is Joe. - Hi Julia, Joe. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you. - I'm Julia.
- This is Caspar. - I'm Caspar.
I'm Julia.
Nice to meet you, Julia.
She'll teach you how to become a gondolier.
- Oh, wow! - Nice!
Um, I don't know if Greta told you
but we trying to make some money really quickly
and I heard gondoliers make a lot.
Uh, yes, quite a lot, yeah.
Good. How long do you think that it will take for us
to be really good enough to do this professionally?
Well, to be good, three or four months.
To be really good, maybe a little bit more.
We do not have... We've only got a few hours to learn.
Uh, it's okay, we can try and then we will see.
I can see you have an eye for talent.
Look, I know we're not meant to mix business with pleasure
but she's gorgeous. Please wingman me on this?
Well, you wingman me.
No, she was looking at me.
I got this.
You know, just stand up a little bit more.
I'm just quite tall.
- I'm a lot taller than Joe. - See, you can make this shorter.
It's like watching a baby learn to walk.
I bet your boyfriend wouldn't be this bad, Julia.
Uh, ahem, I don't know because I don't have one any more.
What?
I think it was pretty obvious that, um, we were flirting with Julia.
- What's your favourite colour? - Uh, light blue.
- Aw! - Mmm-hmm.
Same colour as my eyes.
But she was only laughing at my jokes.
Caspar was useless, absolutely useless but... Everything he does.
Sometimes I think he's just not human.
Like, he's just not... I don't know, I think he's, like, he wasn't even born.
He was just... Came out of a hole in the ground.
- Make the oar shorter. - But then it's going to hit the side.
Julia was actually quite impressed, I think.
- Wait, wait. Wait! Wait! - No, that's not right.
- We're going to, we're going to... - Not too much.
Just calm down, you're going to snap the oar.
Typical Caspar, you know, he tries so hard.
He's trying too hard to impress her.
I know if I don't make the first move and ask her out tonight,
he definitely will. I know what he's like.
Caspar, look at me, Caspar.
Caspar! Caspar, look at me.
Caspar! Caspar!
He has a very good balance, so this is good.
It doesn't seem that it is his first time.
- So I think you are ready to work. - See that, Caspar?
What about me?
Ah...
There's absolutely no chance
that Joe's going to take Julia out for dinner tonight.
But if he does, there will be hell to pay.
Did he actually say that?
No, 8 p.m. tonight. Couldn't believe it.
Ooh!
Look at the hat.
- Buongiorno! - Hello!
- Hello, oh... - I'm Bernardo.
- Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
- This is my boat. - Awesome.
- That's very nice. - Thank you for letting us use it.
Yeah, no problem.
How do we get people to actually get in the boat?
Oh, see, you're only say, "Gondola! Gondola!
"Eighty euros, Gondola!"
- Okay, I think we got that. - I think we got that.
I think we can do that, thank you very much again.
- Okay, you're welcome. - Thank you. Cheers.
- Gondola! Gondola! - Gondola!
- How much for the gondola ride? - Uh, 80 euros.
Gondola! Gondola!
'Cause you have such a nice watch, it's going to cost 80 euros.
Ooh! Ah...
Gondola!
Yes, you in the window, gondola!
Your accent, it doesn't sound Italy.
I get that a lot.
But I've been in Italy for five years now, so get in.
Yes, 80 euros, 40 minutes.
Jesus!
Gondola!
I must just warn you, I've a bit of a bad back today.
So we're not going to be going too far.
But luckily, we're right next to Hogwarts!
That's what the Hogwarts was based on in Harry Potter.
Venice, believe it or not, was actually named after Venice Beach
- in LA, California. Do you know? - Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, a lot of people don't actually know that but that's a fact.
Do you think the, um, tide is going that way?
- Yeah, yeah definitely. - Okay, let's go that way.
Okay, but...
That's easier.
If you look really closely on to this bridge
you can see a very famous, uh, signature, autograph.
- Yeah. - Etched into the stone. Do you see it?
Yeah. Yeah.
- Can you guess who's it is? - Eh, no.
It's Leonardo Di Caprio's.
- See it? - Wow!
I can't really concentrate while you talk, sorry.
I know that's rude. I'm just really,
really concentrating and I got the bad back as I...
- You're style? - Did I tell you I have a bad back?
Ciao.
- Ciao. - Ciao.
Fun fact for you guys.
My very first customer was Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.
So I've really gone downhill since then, haven't I?
You're lucky because I've actually been nominated as Gondolier of the Year.
- Oh, really? - Yeah!
That's coming up in a few weeks' time.
So I'm just getting some extra practice in.
Did you hear about the whale
- that swam up the canal from the sea? - Yeah.
And he actually came around here, passed underneath this bridge.
- Hmm. - Ah, okay.
That's why I always do whale song. A lot of people don't know about that.
- Take 100. - Thank you very much, you want change?
- No, it's all right. - You sure?
I'll give you 20 more because it was wonderful.
- Oh, thank you so much, thank you. - Okay.
- Okay. Please keep the change. - Thank you very much.
- Thank you, thank you so much! - You can keep the change.
Oh, shit!
Oh, God!
Stop, I want to... I want to step off.
- Please stop. - You want to stop?
- Please? - Yeah.
Oh, my!
Caspar!
Shit!
Caspar, don't swallow!
- Caspar, are you listening? - Oh, my God.
- Shut up, Joe! - Make sure you spit.
Don't, don't swallow the water.
- I think I swallowed. - Don't swallow, always spit.
Grab this oar. Grab this.
You bloody wally. Grab it.
Wait, wait get your hat first. Get your hat first.
No!
- You have to! You can't... - Oh, buddy!
Julia gave that to us.
There's an undercurrent! There's an undercurrent!
You're all right, just grow up. You big baby!
Caspar.
- Your oar as well. You have to. - No.
- Oh, Joe! - Julia's going to be so annoyed with us.
I'm so sorry about this, guys.
- I've got you, buddy. I've got you. - No...
- I got you! - You're going to scrape me!
I'm not. Give me your hand.
I was so inspired by Julia's words. She said I'd improved but I didn't at all.
I got really... Actually, I got worse.
I just wanted to put everything into it
and I kind of went too far in with the rod
and I guess I couldn't carry the weight of the water
that I had pulled with the rod
and I fell in.
150, 200...
20, 40, 60, 80... 300 in the end!
That's 60 in tips!
Before, I was going to take her somewhere pretty basic,
you know, don't know where I am, anyway.
But now I can take her to the finest place, probably.
I don't know what Caspar's going to do tonight
but I think, uh, I left some crisps in the camper van.
So I'm sure he'll find them.
So you've probably guessed by now
that we're not using our vlogging cameras to make this.
Uh, we do indeed have an actual crew.
Pan around, Caspar. Show them the crew.
- Hello, everyone! Hi! - Here they are.
Who have worked on amazing stuff, including Top Gear.
Oh, wait, this is kind of... It's getting a little bit heavy.
Try and do a zoom in.
- I'll have my camera back now. - Sorry.
- You're no good at it at all. - Yeah, that's probably not a good idea.
Joe, I do want you know how much I appreciate you
using some of your money to pay for this taxi.
This is really beautiful, thank you so much for being so generous.
Oh, wait, Caspar, that's St Mark's Square.
That's where we're going to meet her tonight.
- Who? - Huh?
Who are you meeting there tonight?
I said, "That's where we're going to be eating tonight."
No, you said, "That's where I'm going to meet her tonight."
I said "eating".
- Chip? - No thanks, man. I'm full.
But you love these chips.
Yeah, I know, but I've just had a full-on meal, haven't I?
- I'm stuffed. - Wait, I thought you were on the toilet.
What, for three hours?
Don't be stupid. I was having a meal, wasn't I, with Julia?
- No, you didn't. - Yeah, I did. Oh, and it was great!
I even had tiramisu, I don't really have that.
- No, you didn't. - Yeah, I did.
I didn't even like it that much
but I thought I'd have it in your honour.
Shut up!
All right, Caspar, we're getting low on fuel.
So keep an eye out for a petrol station, all right?
Do they look the same here as they do in England?
I hope so, yeah. Otherwise we're in a lot of trouble.
I must warn you that I've never done this before.
Well, this one has four pumps. Oh, God.
Oh, no!
Turn the lights off.
- I don't think it's going to reach it. - Joe, it's, uh...
Just pull it, you blooming idiot.
Hold on.
Don't put the money on the floor, it's going to blow away!
Look, put your foot on it.
Caspar, it's going to blow away.
- I've got my foot on it. - Good.
Joe, come out here and help.
Oh, my...
You know what you are?
Wait, keep your foot on the money.
What money? Oh!
Yes, there we go...
Yeah, it wasn't that easy, was it, huh?
Are you using the right key? Oh, yes.
There we go. Now it's stuck.
Now it's locked, see. Unlock it like this.
Pull it.
You twist, I'll pull. Should we get someone to help us?
We had to get the cameraman, let me film him.
Ah, film it, film it. Don't drop the camera.
Come on, boys. How bloody hard is it?
So the cameraman is currently, uh...
- Phil can't do it, oh, Phil's done it. - No way!
Do you want me to help you with this?
I got it. Forty euros, right?
- Go for it. - I'm just going to go.
But make sure you don't go over, over 40.
It's on one.
For every cent you go over, I get to punch you in arm as hard as I can.
- Keep going. Yeah, all right. - Yeah, it's on six.
- You can for it, a little bit. - Seven, eight, nine, ten.
Oh, shit! I think it's full!
All right, okay, grab the money before someone else takes it.
You can do it, I'm proud of you.
I did it!
Well done. Right. On to Verona!
Verona!
Where... Where am I going? Where am I going?
I'm so tired, Caspar, we need to pull over.
Uh, then, just pull over.
I'm going to pull over just here, all right?
- You sure it's safe? - Yeah, it'll be fine.
We're in the middle of a freaking roundabout, you dickhead!
- Look at this. - That's great.
As funny as that is, it wasn't funny what happened this morning.
And from now on, I'm going to be the one who decides where we park.
- All right, fair enough. - Thank you.
Anyway, in terms of work, um, before we left Venice,
I spoke to Greta and she said that there's someone in Verona
who can potentially sort us out with a job for today.
Great.
But you know, I don't know if it's your thing, it's...
I'm not too keen on it but it's up to you,
it's just making pizza, so...
Oh yeah, you like pizza, don't you?
- I forgot. - Joe! Thank you.
Yeah, you really like pizza, this is your thing, then.
Finally, I can thrive at something.
That job doesn't start till 11:00, so we've got loads of time to kill.
Apparently, the balcony from Romeo and Juliet is down there.
- So if you're up for that, follow me. - What?
Joe, I just picked this magnet up and you just...
Oh, wow, that must be it.
- The balcony from Romeo and Juliet. - Oh, yeah, look.
The letter things, you're meant to write a love letter to someone
and you can put them in the cracks.
- Hey! - Hey!
Wait, hold on, listen to this.
Her vestal livery is but green and none but fools do wear it,
- cast it off! - I can't hear you, mate.
Oh, it is my lady. Oh, it is my love.
Oh, that she knew she were!
- Can't hear you. - She speaks, but she says nothing.
I bet Julia would love to see you up there, Joe.
- What do you mean? - I read your letter.
- You read my letter? - Yeah.
- You're not allowed to read my letter. - Oh, so you can hear me now,
but you couldn't hear me earlier?
Well, yeah, I can hear you now you're talking about Julia.
I thought I was your one true love.
Oh, well, would you just look at that, Caspar?
- Beautiful. - It is, isn't it?
I know a very interesting historical fact about this Colosseum.
- What's that? - One Direction played there once.
- Really? - Yeah. Lucky Colosseum, huh?
Yeah. Anyway, I think this restaurant we're supposed to be working at
is just over here, so...
Let's go check it out.
Oh, wow, look at it.
- Hi, Joe and Caspar. - Good morning.
We're looking for a guy named Jack.
Ah, okay. Jack.
- Hey. Joe and Caspar. - Hi guys, nice to meet you.
- Joe. Greta sent us to meet you. - Yeah, sure.
- I was expecting you, come on over. - Brilliant.
- You ready for this? - I was made for this.
Let's do it.
Although it kind of looks like I'm wearing a skirt.
Some people want to meet Barack Obama,
others want to meet Harry Styles.
Hey, guys, this is Marcello, he is our best pizza maker.
Buongiorno.
I've always wanted to meet Marcello de Marco,
from the oldest pizzeria in Verona.
Oh, my God, you're my hero.
- Calm down, Caspar. - Okay, so, we just have
- to watch him and... - Yeah, just watch his hands,
- see what he does. - Oh, wow!
- Just slapping it about. - He's so quick with that.
Tomato first, Joe. Look how he does that.
I can... Yeah, I love the symmetricalness of this.
Love the spiral.
Oh, wow!
The way you put that cheese on was very professional.
You're like the Michael Phelps of pizza.
- I like some salami, please. - Yes, salami.
Little bit of greens. Make it healthy.
Yeah. And the mozzarella balls here are amazing.
- The way he places it. - I know, I'm very proud of him.
It's almost like he knows he's being filmed.
- Oh, olives. - Oh, no.
Would you put ham on there, too?
Bit too much? Yeah, you're the expert.
I just want to see how he tears it up.
- Oh, it's perfect. - Oh, wow.
Perfect tearing.
Sorry.
Get out the way, Joe.
It's like one of those things you have in the swimming pool.
To get the crap out of the swimming pool.
Don't try and keep up with him, he's an expert, all right?
- Just take your time. - Yeah. I know what I'm doing.
You've got to show it who's boss. See, look, he's showing it who's boss.
He's not messing around.
He's like a flat-pizza man, look at him.
Now, Marcello, don't show off, now.
Oh, Marcello, you crazy!
- What are you putting on, Caspar? - I'm putting on some salami.
Just make sure it looks symmetricaland neat
because we need to earn some money here.
- Yeah, buddy. - Symmetrical.
Don't want too many olives.
Double cheese. Everyone likes cheese.
It's going to be a doughy old base.
Now we wait.
Use those little thatcher hands.
My little chipolata sausage fingers.
I'm going to do you proud, Caspar.
Trying to go as fast as Marcello but he's too quick.
You're pretty fast.
- Did you see that? - Yeah.
- Oh. - It looks like a sad ghost, doesn't it?
- Oh, Caspar. - Whoa!
- It's hot. Look at it. - Look at that.
That looks so good.
That's got a little style on that.
Fantastic
Buddy...
All right, Caspar, you're booked here. We want you for the afternoon. Good job.
My man, yeah!
Thank you, Marcello. Gracias.
Everyone loves cheese.
- Everyone loves salami. - Ooh.
I don't know what the hell this is but it's going on.
He has no idea what he's doing. He's not a natural like me, is he?
It's good, everyone wants everything on. Where are those, like, big tomatoes?
Will that work?
Caspar's pizza was really good. I was really impressed with his pizza.
So I thought, "You know what, Joe, you're going to have to take a gamble."
Wow, Joe, that is very creative.
Sometimes you just got to think outside the box. You know what I mean?
I wanted to make a tomato version of Vesuvius,
so you cut into the tomato
and this liquid hot tomato juice sprays out.
Which, thinking about it now, is a bit dangerous.
Watch out, Caspar.
Marcello.
No, no.
You're going to work in the kitchen washing dishes. Sorry.
Welcome to the pizzeria.
Thank you. Joe, leave.
Well, I can still make money from washing up, right?
Yes, you can.
I think Joe had a lot of potential
but he kind of went over the top.
When he saw how well I was doing, he wanted to one-up me
by being a bit too creative.
And that can really hurt you with pizza, because you gotta just stick
to what you know and, yeah, he went wrong.
Hate touching food, when it's in water in a sink.
Hate it, makes me gag.
I would feel sorry for Joe.
He had to spend whole afternoon washing up for half the pay I got.
But yesterday, I was swimming in shit. And then there's Julia.
So, no, I don't feel sorry at all.
So, she told the doctor, "No, I don't need your help."
Oh, Jack, how many pizzas did you think I made today?
- Well, maybe 20, 30, I don't know. - Wow.
Joe, how many plates did you wash?
Too many, stop making such great pizzas.
Anyway, Jack, is there any other jobs that we can do today,
before the day's over?
We've got a long drive ahead of us, to Milan.
Actually, yeah, there is something we do here in the restaurant.
But you need special training.
- Are you guys up for it? - Yeah, definitely.
- Yeah. - Excellent.
- Wow. - Thank you.
Um, well, my boy Jack from downstairs...
Yeah.
...uh, hooked us up with you but we're not quite sure why.
I'm Anastasia. I'm an opera singer
and I'm here for teaching you to be a singing waiter.
- Wow! - Oh!
- That makes a lot of sense. - Are you able to sing?
- Um... - Not very well.
Not really. Okay, guys, who's the first?
Oh, like, right now?
Yeah, right now, I mean... What are you waiting for?
- Rock paper scissors? - Rock paper scissors.
One, two, three, shots.
Yes.
Ha! Okay. Great.
First, we have to warm up your voice.
- Okay. - Like this.
# He... # Oh, what?
I really wanted to show off my voice but I felt like I was a bit nervous
'cause she was so good, she just made me feel a bit scared.
- That's even higher. - Yeah, of course.
- All right. - We have to warm up.
Go, go, go.
- Don't touch your belly, please. - I look stupid doing this.
You cannot sing like this because you will be a waiter.
So, you need to be able to bring stuff, like this, and then...
I've never met an opera singer with tattoos before,
uh, but it was actually kind of sexy.
Especially when she sung.
- Do you know Nessun Dorma? - Who?
Anastasia was a real character.
Um, she can sing.
Dorma.
She was a really good instructor, actually, she wasn't afraid to tell us
that we were shit, basically.
- More boy? - More boy!
You are a girl now.
With your normal voice.
Anastasia, uh... She's quite full-on.
Okay, good. Now, listen, stop...
Caspar was the worst student I have seen in my entire life.
- Let's try a phrase, please, okay? - Okay.
I must say that Caspar is a handsome guy, yeah.
He's not my type, he's too much angelic, you know, too much blonde and light.
I am very dark.
Anastasia definitely fancied Caspar.
I remember when she first introduced herself,
she looked at Caspar the whole time, didn't even look at me.
So, yeah, she definitely wanted a slice of Caspar.
I feel like you're kind of liking the singing.
You keep touching my hand, I feel like you enjoyed it.
- I'm sorry. - I think she fancied me
but she was also, like, making fun of my pitch.
Do you want to sing like a girl or like a man?
- Like a man. - Okay, so, don't...
- Stop singing like a girl. - Okay.
Be masculine.
No.
Kill me, please.
I think it is impossible that Caspar
can earn some money doing singing.
In fact, I think that people will be put off the food
if they can hear Caspar singing.
They will be, like, terrified.
- Listen to me. - Okay.
It was very nerve-wracking,
going out there with a restaurant full of customers.
And it wasn't just the restaurant,
the whole entire square is full of tourists.
Caspar went first and I saw that we weren't going to make money that way
and I thought, "You know what, Sugg,
"you're going to have to pull it out of the bag."
It made me feel like, uh...
Like I could potentially be a singer in the future.
I'm really pleased for Joe, he made money from tips, I didn't.
But Marcello sorted me out.
Making dough made me dough.
- We freaking killed it today. - I'm so proud of us both.
- How much moulah did we make? - Moulah!
- Yeah. - Why are you saying "moulah"?
- Moulah! - Okay, we made...
- It's my new word. - We made... We made a lot.
'Cause you killed it with the singing, man.
Mate, I didn't even know I had it in me.
Who knew I had such big lungs in this little body of mine?
And also, you with the bloody pizza.
Well, it's kind of obvious you were going to be really good at making pizza.
Let's be honest.
I feel like I've been training my whole life for that moment.
That was your moment, Caspar, and you took it.
Oh, man, I'm sweating.
- Do you know what? - What?
I need a poo as well.
- I'm not going to lie. - Joe, I know you need to poo.
I can smell it, buddy.
You've been dropping a few bombs.
No, that's the thing, I haven't even farted.
- You have. - No, I haven't.
Because... Trust me, I haven't farted. If I'd farted... I'm scared to fart.
If I fart, I'm going to follow through.
Hold on, I think I see a lake.
May be they'll have somewhere to stop over here.
I can't poo in a lake, Caspar.
Oh, wow.
I'll tell you what, mate,
there's worse places in the world to stop and take a dump.
Joe, do you think you could take a photo of me,
you know, looking through this telescope?
I can't, can I?
- What? - We haven't got our phones with us.
Brian the director's got them. Remember at the start of the road trip?
He took 'em off us.
Schoolboy error.
Wait, no way! Hold on.
- Joe, come here. - What are you seeing?
I think two seagulls are having it off.
- Take a look. - Where am I looking?
- Which way, by that pier? - To the right.
- Where? - Up.
Oh...
Oh, are they doing it or are they fighting?
- I think they're doing it. - Wait.
Oh, yeah, they're definitely getting it on.
Oh, I kind of... I feel a bit guilty looking at this.
Yeah, they're definitely doing it.
Yeah.
So, Joe, I've been thinking about something a lot recently.
- Right. - Ah, I'm not sure, you know,
- how to ask. - Yeah, go for it, man.
- Please don't overreact. - Oh, God, what is it?
I'd really like to drive.
- Good one. - No, Joe, I'm being serious.
I'd like to have a turn.
You're serious?
- Wait, wait, you are serious? - Please, let me drive.
Um...
I'm going to be honest with you, Caspar,
I'm a little bit scared of you being behind the wheel of this thing.
'Cause one, it's actually quite hard to drive.
Two, I'm not supposed to tell you this
but I had a chat with Brian and the rest of the crew.
Brian the director specifically said to me,
"Joe, no matter what happens, you can't let Caspar drive the van."
- I'm sorry. - That's bull, Joe.
There's no way he said that
and even if he did, who's Brian the director?
He's had 18 years of driving-show experience, Caspar,
I think he knows what he's talking about.
- Joe, come on, just let me do it. - I can't. I'll get in so much trouble.
- Let's do it. - I'll get some... Get out of the wheel!
- Joe, please? Joe, Joe, Joe. - I'll get in...
- Look at me. - I can't.
Joe, look at me.
Oh, don't. I hate it when you look at me like that. Stop it.
Stop it...
- Stop it. - Come on.
I'll get in so much trouble.
Fine, okay, we'll do it.
- See this road up here? - Yeah.
We'll pull in here and we'll quickly switch round.
Yay!
Oh, my God, I feel alive!
- Ready? Get to gear two... - Gear two!
Clutch down.
That's it, go, go, go.
- Perfect. Watch out for that bump. - Yeah!
- Don't hit that bump. - Oh! Oh!
No, don't hit that.
Sorry. Sorry.
- Okay. - When was the last time you drove?
Uh... Like in Christmas time?
- Last Christmas. - Okay, let me rephrase that.
When was the last time you drove a car and didn't crash?
At school.
I'm gonna give it some beans.
No, no. Caspar, slow down.
Get out of the way.
- This is good, okay, we're fine. - Okay.
- Give it some beans! - No, no, just slow down!
- Slow down! - Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Joe, I'm doing my best, you're kind of stressing me out a bit.
Can you just not...
- It's really difficult to drive. - Stop talking.
Just stop talking and just concentrate. Please.
- Okay. - Two hands on the wheel. Right.
Joe, what the hell is going on?
I told you under no circumstances to let Caspar drive.
What is that, Joe?
- Joe, what is that? - Who the bloody hell was that?
- Just keep going. - God?
- Where was that coming from? - Come in, Joe.
Oh!
Joe to Brian.
What's going on, Joe?
I told you, do not let Caspar drive. What are you doing?
We're driving!
We're driving. I deserve to drive just as much as he does!
We, um... How can you even see us?
Guys, pull over now.
No! No, Brian!
I am part of this, too!
I want you guys to pull over, I mean it.
I am 21 years old, I'm an independent boy.
Caspar, shut up. Pulling over now.
- No! - Pull over.
No! Joe, fight with me.
- Hello! Okay, pull over! Pull over! - Fight with me on this.
Fight with me on this.
Close the windows. Close the windows.
- Close the windows. - Oh, we're in trouble!
- I'm so... I told you it was a bad idea. - Close the windows!
I told you it was a bad idea.
Okay, okay, Joe, do this with me, boy.
- Okay. - All right, do as I say. Duck.
- Guys, guys, Caspar. - Get down.
Joe!
Caspar...
Right, Caspar, open the door.
Guys! Guys, I can see you. Open the door.
Caspar, get out of the car.
Wow, he looked angry!
I've never seen him like that.
Never.
Let's do this! Sorry if that went in your eye.
Joe! Wait, hold on, what are you doing?
Putting it in the kettle.
It should start whistling when it's ready.
Wow, that's loud.
- What? - It's really loud.
I know it's really loud! Should I turn it off?
Yeah.
Oh, no. It's very watery.
- Oh, whatever. - You've got way more than me.
There you go... Scrape, scrape, scrape.
Well, mine's watery.
Thanks, dude.
- Just one second. - Bon appétit.
Oh, no!
What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?
My mum told me that the trick to testing
if pasta's ready or not is to see if it sticks on the window.
Try with your own food, not mine!
Don't talk to me.
- Sorry, Joe. - Don't talk to me.
So Caspar, another day, another dollar.
Why are you laughing?
'Cause we're not making dollars, you idiot.
Yeah, well, anyway, whilst you were out getting muffins,
which I have no idea why you thought of that...
Not the ideal thing for breakfast. I picked up this.
Which is a flyer, for Nolo... Nologo?
Turns out it's a modelling agency. We're in Milan, the home of fashion
and it says down here "no experience needed".
What do you say?
Well, Joe, we'd better stop eating these muffins.
- Should we give it a go? - Yeah, let's go.
Cool, let's do it.
All right, rubbish.
Oh, I just put my hand in bird poo. That's gross.
I've always been attractive in my eyes.
What are you on about?
Is it this one here?
- Um... - Ah, here we go.
- Nolo... Nolo... - Nolos...
- Nologios? - Nologo.
I have no idea. Wait.
There's a buzzer.
- Hi! - Hello.
- I'm Caspar. - Hi, Caspar.
- I'm Joe, nice to meet you. - We're here for the modelling.
Oh, yes, yes, please come in.
- Yay! - Cool.
Thank you.
They came for an interview...
- Oh, hi! - Hey!
- Joe, nice to meet you. - Hi.
- Nice to meet you, I'm Lisa. - Caspar, nice to meet you.
Okay, so you came for the interview?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
But before we start, I just wanted to make sure you understand that
I'm not just a pretty face.
- Yeah. - Okay.
And my mum always told me I should put these giant eyebrows to good use.
- Okay... - See it?
- Yeah, I see. - Watch it, this one.
Look at it for a second.
- Shh, Caspar... - Okay.
So I have just some questions to ask you before starting. Okay?
Are you doing something? Studying, working, modelling, maybe?
No, that's the issue, we're currently, like, travelling around Europe,
trying to look for jobs to earn enough money to get back home.
Okay, and about modelling, do you have any experience?
Uh, well, you like taking Instagram photos and stuff.
Yeah, but who doesn't? Everyone likes taking Instagram pictures.
- Um, yeah. - You have Instagram?
- Yeah. - Okay,
and how many followers do you have?
- Uh, just around about 3.2 million. - Yeah.
- Sorry? How much? - 3.2 million.
- Okay, okay. - Is that good?
Yeah, it's perfect. It's great.
So I'm going to take some pictures of you
to see how you look in front of the camera.
We will see you walking over here and then we will decide together.
- Okay? So... - Hug?
- No. I'm sorry. - Okay.
Okay. Let's go over there. Okay?
Okay, guys. The first thing that we need to do is take measurements.
Okay? So I need you to take your shirt off.
Uh...
- Sure? - Yeah. I mean, it's important.
No problem. Hold on...
Director Brian?
Caspar, just take it off, it's fine. Take it off.
To be honest, you're a little bit short to be a model.
- Stop, stop moving. - Sorry.
- Stop moving, stop moving. - Sorry.
Now we will start with the pictures, okay?
Look in front of me and you don't move.
This way, and look in front.
I've got a spot on this side, though.
Don't worry, it's not a problem.
Which is my good angle?
I think all your angles are good, mate.
Thanks, buddy.
- You're running through the jungle... - Okay.
- From a tiger... - Yeah.
- What kind of tiger? - Uh, just a big one.
React, ready? Three, two, one, go.
Okay. Now, Joe, please, it's your turn.
Okay, yep. Me.
Okay, so fix...
What are these?
- These? - Yeah.
- They're secret socks. - Okay.
Do you not have them in Italy?
You put these on before you wear plimsolls.
Can't see you've got socks on but you still have socks on.
Look it up.
Dude, don't be rude to the photographer, take your socks off.
- I'm not, I'm just saying... - Come on, Joe!
Joe, take the socks off.
Yes, Director Brian.
He's so powerful.
Okay.
Your sister just told you she's pregnant.
- Oh, that's good. - Okay.
Now, guys, we need to do pictures in underwear.
Oh... All of us?
No, just you.
- One second, sorry. - Yeah.
We need to talk about this.
I don't feel like this is appropriate.
I agree.
Maybe we should ask Director Brian.
I can't ask him.
Also, you're not a very good whisperer, I think everyone can still hear us.
- Shut up. - Uh... Director Brian?
- Yeah, Joe? - We're not too sure
if we're comfortable with this.
We don't want people to think that we're cheap and easy.
And we don't feel comfortable
being the only ones in our underwear.
And we don't feel comfortable being the only ones in our underwear.
So, we do the same way, front, profile and three quarters.
Ready?
I'm sorry, I really need to use the bathroom.
- Okay, Joe, please, your turn. - Yeah.
When they asked me to take my clothes off, it was a bit of a shock.
Normally, I do it anyway, all the time.
But it seems weird when there's a very attractive lady
telling you to take your clothes off.
Doesn't happen that often.
When it does, you know, I wasn't really prepared for it.
Joe's body is kind of not ordinary, in this world, I mean.
Because he has really a thin body
and he has, like, kind of girl measurements, I would say.
They thought Joe had the body of a girl?
Oh, he's not going to like that.
So let me introduce you to Gaia.
- Hi Gaia. Caspar, nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
She's the booker of the men's division.
Oh, wow, so you're in charge.
- Yeah, sure. - Hmm...
What did you think of our photos? Have you seen them yet?
They're very nice. You're very peculiar people.
- Peculiar? - Yes.
That's a compliment, right?
- Yeah, sure. - Yeah, definitely.
Okay, so, let's start with the walking.
Joe!
Joe?
That's enough.
Joe!
Let's get down to business.
- So this is the casting room. - Yes.
This is the place where we make all the decisions.
We're going to be rich.
And we're going to make one about you guys.
- Okay. - Because I have seen a lot of boys
but nobody like you.
And I think I can have the right job for you,
which is perfect for you, today.
- Okay. - Okay, at 2:00,
be on time at this address, here.
- Thank you so much. - You're welcome.
- Thank you. - Good luck.
Thanks so much. Thank you.
Oh! Thank you so much!
You really don't know how much this means to us.
Okay.
Why are you laughing?
We were in there, I thought, you know what,
modelling might not actually be my thing because, obviously, the height thing.
Uh, but yeah, we both got a job out of it, so we're really pleased.
Holy mackerels, they loved us.
Did you see that? And I think we're going to get a huge job later.
They seem like a pretty well established modelling agency.
They knew what they were doing, they were pretty professional,
it's got to be something good, it's got to be.
I felt a bit intimidated when we walked in,
'cause there were so many pictures of good-looking people.
They were quite impressed by your muscles.
They were impressed by my muscles?
No way!
Yeah, they think you had a really good body.
I've been swimming a little bit recently, so...
That's really nice to know.
They said I had the body of a girl?
- Yeah. - Really?
- Yeah. - You're joking.
I'm not, that's exactly what they said.
That's bullshit. That's bullshit.
That's actually really not nice.
- They actually said that? - They did say that.
They're supposed to be professional.
Crush your dreams like that, it's stupid.
What a successful morning! We absolutely smashed it, mate.
I'm so proud of us.
Are you sure these were a good buy, though?
I mean, we spent all of our money from Verona.
Of course, it's a wise investment.
And we're going to look the absolute part,
we're going to make so much money.
- We're here. - Oh my gosh, we're here.
We're models and we're here, this is it.
AC Milan!
What do you think of my, uh... My new purchase?
Yeah, scarves, we're models now.
- Yeah, you like it? - We're models.
Caspar, you're going to work with me in the shirts department.
Joe, you come with me, another part of the store.
Oh, okay!
Joe, this is my big break!
I'm going to be a real model like Katie Price.
Where am I going?
So, Marcello, where can I put these on?
I feel like I need something more private.
I know I'm a model but I get shy.
- So where can I get changed? - No, no, no Caspar. That's not your job.
What?
Your job is to put the name on it.
Put the name on the shirt?
No, no, no, I'm a model.
My first reaction when I found out that I wasn't doing any modelling today
and I was putting names on T-shirts was one of devastation.
You have to choose the letters, like, C, A, S...
This is like Countdown.
I'm really disappointed.
I thought I was going to be a model today.
But then I started cheering up a little bit, because I realised
that the people here weren't judging me based on things like looks
or height or weight, they were judging me because of my skills
and my, you know, friendliness.
Wow, Marcello, I've never made something like this before. Thank you so much.
How many am I going to have to make in the next four hours?
We have a list, man.
- Let's start. - What!
There must be hundreds of names on here.
We'll never have time.
Trust me, we will.
What kind of name is Klein?
Caspar. Caspar.
Hello?
It's me, Joe.
- No, it's not. - They put me in this giant suit.
- It's so hot! - What?
I can't breathe.
What the hell have they done to you?
- You look ridiculous. - Don't just stand there and laugh,
- help me! - Yeah...
You look like Po from the Teletubbies.
No!
Four hours, wait, I've got only four fingers.
I spent four hours in this thing. Do you know how hot it is in here?
Very, very warm.
I tell you what,
doing this actually, was modelling, but it's also playing a character.
So, I'm thinking now, maybe, I could try a bit of acting.
Where's the camera?
Ciao!
Goooooal!
I had to take loads and loads of photographs,
which was great, you know,
but the weird thing was when you take a picture, you're used to smiling
so I kept smiling beneath the helmet thing
and obviously I realised, like, halfway through,
what's the point of smiling? They can't see it.
I'm just a big devil.
Joe, you know what, I've actually done something,
that I think is going to cheer you up.
Right, okay, what?
You just stay right there, I'm going to fetch it.
Okay.
I got you a brand new AC Milan shirt with your name on it!
Yes!
What the hell is that?
It's a... It's an AC Milan football top.
I'm in this giant suit, which has been used before,
it smells like an old sock. Right?
- Yeah? - What age is this?
- What age? - Age...
- It's just, uh, UK 7-8. - Well, well, then...
I think you should be more appreciative, I've been working my arse off all day.
And they gave me that for free to give you
'cause I did such a good job and all you do is complain.
How many have you had to do?
I mean, like, hundreds.
Joe wasn't very grateful when I gave him a shirt.
I'm surprised that he's surprised, because
it was clearly for a 7-year-old boy, not a...
But then again, I did get told today that I had a girl's body,
but that's not the point.
That's not the point, Brian.
You know?
He didn't react very well. Kind of a bit spoilt, if you ask me.
I think YouTube's gone to his head.
Anyway, I have to get back to work. See you in a bit.
- Proud of you, man. - Do you want a picture?
I'd sure would love a picture but I don't have a phone.
- Too late, take care. Ta-ra. - Okay.
- Get your shoe, Joe. - I think I broke my knee. Ow!
Caspar got paid 50?
Well, that's great, that's good, that's good and...
Well, how much did I get paid?
- You got paid 40. - Forty.
Okay.
I don't think that's fair, I'm not going to lie.
That's not fair, who decided that?
I'm not having this.
I've been wearing this suit for four hours,
sweating my tits off!
And Caspar's over there just stamping on letters on a shirt,
I'm surprised he can spell.
Did he even finish school? Probably not.
How can he even spell? He can't even spell my name right. Probably.
I haven't really looked at the shirt yet, properly.
That's rubbish. Right, I'm going to go and get out of this costume.
How's that knee of yours?
Still hurts.
Well, at least we made 90 euros today.
- 70 euros. - No, no, we made 90.
No, 70 euros. Think about it.
The modelling agency takes 20% commission.
But surely AC Milan pay that.
No, don't be stupid.
Anyway, Caspar, we've got a long drive to Cannes tomorrow
and we're going to need this for petrol.
I hope they give refunds.
Yeah, same.
So, it's come down to this.
Four mints. Um...
I guess the only way to decide who gets them
is to do a sack race in our sleeping bags
around the camper van and that tree.
Last one back to this point is the loser.
Three, two, one, go.
You're pushing me! You can't push me, Caspar.
I'm going to hurt myself.
Yeah, I won. I won, I won, I won, I won.
Joe, you threw the mints!
I'm sure there's some crisps still in there, anyway.
So, Caspar, we've got about 200 miles to get to Cannes
and we've only got 70 euros left.
So, um... Yeah, we're in trouble.
I'm really hungry.
Well, at the moment,
petrol is more important than food, I'm afraid.
You were the one who made us buy those stupid scarves,
we would have so much money still.
Okay, one, they were not stupid, they were fashionable and cool,
and two...
Yeah, okay, that was quite a stupid idea, I'm sorry.
Everyone makes mistakes, Caspar, it's just one of those things.
It's a long road trip, we're going to make a lot of mistakes,
but we're going to learn from them and we're going to move on.
Oh, wait, hang on,
there's a sign here for a petrol station.
Wait here.
- Why do I always have to wait here? - It's fine.
Buongiorno.
Erm, do you do it, or do I do it?
You do it? Brilliant.
Er, we want... Caspar, how much, 65?
Joe, why do you tell me to stay in the front
when you needed some crucial information from me?
Sixty-five, yeah?
Yes... How can you not remember that kind of basic information?
Why is this key not going in? There we go.
Oh, I've done it!
- I'm proud of you. - You don't know how hard that was.
Like, last petrol station, we could not do it. Took ages,
we had to get Phil to do it, Phil the cameraman, for us.
Done it, I've done it!
So, what's your favourite colour?
You have a favourite colour?
- Okay, we just spent 65 for petrol. - Yeah.
- Now we've got five euros left. - Okay.
Let's make this work.
- Biscuits? Not feeling that? - No.
- Ice cream! - Yeah, let's do it.
- You think... - Chocolate is healthy,
ice creams are cooling.
It's just going to melt, isn't it? It's not very filling, is it?
It's what you have at the beach.
We're in a sweaty camper van.
Well, we could get one pack of this and maybe haggle them down for this.
How much for these two?
We only have five.
Okay.
- Oh! - You're a master at this.
- Thank you. Oh, you're the best. - Okay.
Joe, maybe I should become a haggler.
Nice, but what did you buy? What even are these?
Oh, God.
That's...
Why did we buy this?
I think we just got caught up in the moment, didn't we,
and bought the wrong thing?
- I haggled him. - We should've got bread.
At least this will keep us going until Cannes.
Yeah, hopefully, erm...
But then when we get there,
we need to find some proper work, all right?
Proper work leads to proper food.
- Like lobster? - Yes, like lobster.
Come on, let's go.
Joe, did you ever think, like, two years ago,
when you were on a roof thatching,
that you would be driving around Europe in a camper van
with, like, the coolest South African in the whole world?
And, look at it. There's that Ian, cameraman guy,
one of the best cameramen in the whole world,
- and he's like 67 years old. - Look at him.
And he's just loving life.
I've never looked at a bloke before and thought,
"Do you know what? He looks like a veteran."
That's how I describe him.
He looks like an absolute veteran.
So, look, Caspar, we're about halfway through the trip
and we still haven't even named the camper van yet.
I feel like we should name it something with a C,
so it's something, the camper van.
Caspar?
No, definitely not Caspar, anything but Caspar.
Do you think it's a girl or a boy?
Uh, it's, uh, definitely a girl.
Cucumber.
It's a C but it's not a girl's name.
I thought...
How many girls do you know called Cucumber?
I just thought, 'cause, you know, cucumbers are cool.
Yes, but it's not a girl's name, is it?
Okay, what about Katy?
Yeah, Katy's good, Katy's good, it's not a C,
but it's got a ring to it.
- Katy the camper. - Katy the camper van.
Do you know what? I actually like that.
That's good. For once, you've actually done something right.
- I'm proud of you. - Aw.
- Are you ready for this? - I'm so ready.
Ta-da!
Oh, they're supposed to stick.
So, this is what it's come down to.
Two free glasses of tap water and one sweet.
Yes!
Anyway, I've been looking through the paper at jobs
and there are a lot of temporary jobs
but they require you to speak fluent French, which obviously we can't do.
There's one job down here
but it's manual labour.
What's that?
Manual labour.
- Yeah? - You don't know what that is?
- It says here "deck hands". - Like on a yacht?
- Do you think? - Yeah. I saw Kylie Jenner had a yacht
in an Instagram photo one time
and there were loads of pretty girls on there.
- Really? - Yeah.
This could be the one.
We're looking for Bay 412.
That's 417, so we're obviously on the right track.
414...
- 413, 41... - There it is.
- Awesome. - That must be it.
He looks quite scary.
You speak to him.
Pascal, when I first saw him, I was a little bit scared.
He had those round lens glasses
that reflect back so you couldn't see his eyes.
He looks like a Bond villain.
- Don't laugh. - Sorry.
Hi, uh, we saw your advert in the paper.
- You're looking for deck hands? - Yeah, yeah, great.
Come on board for a chat.
- Sweet. - Thank you.
When I first turned up at the boat,
I was really intimidated by Pascal.
Obviously, when you see someone on a boat that expensive,
you assume they're quite powerful and scary.
Okay, guys, uh, let me introduce you to Jenny.
She's my yacht manager.
- Hi. - Hi, Jenny.
Later on, we're taking the boat out, so I have some friend coming.
And I want the boat really, really clean.
So, I leave you with Jenny and she'll tell you what to do.
- Okay, have fun. Bye. - Thank you. Bye.
Okay, guys, I'll get your crew uniforms
and I hope you're good at cleaning.
- Oh, we're the best. - Yeah, um...
Just, uh, out of interest, how much are we getting paid for this?
The pay is 15 euros an hour.
Per person, or...
That is each.
I mean, that seems pretty standard,
- for a day's work. - Yeah.
Think about it, mate. We can earn a lot of money here.
- I can get a natural tan. - Exactly. Three hours, 15 euros each...
- Okay, here we go. - Hey...
Oh, wow. Thanks, Jenny.
- You're the best. - You are the best.
- Cool. - Ooh!
Caspar, would you just put the cushions out round the table, please?
Yes, sir... Ma'am. Sorry.
- Just around in all the corners. - Okay.
Uh...
- Surely you've put cushions out before? - Yeah.
- Uh, yeah. - Right.
- All right. - Right, so just do them like that.
- Okay? - Yeah.
Don't mind if I do.
Oh.
Okay, guys. We've got few guests arriving early,
so if you can get the champagne open, that would be great.
And we're just about to take the boat out for some engine checks.
I don't know if this is too much but we have a crew with us
and we're wondering if we can maybe bring them along?
- Uh, how many of you got? - Um, it's those guys.
Okay.
Who would've thought, earlier today, we were in a camper van,
now we're on a super-yacht.
It's crazy how life changes.
Caspar, I'm worried this is all going to your head, mate.
- You need to snap out of it. - It's not going to my head.
Come here.
Hi, guys. Hi, Joanne. Hey, welcome onboard.
Come and have some champagne.
- How are you? - How are you?
- Welcome. Welcome aboard. - Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Both the girls were really hot, don't you think?
Yeah, yeah. I hope he's gay.
Ah, more birdshit!
- It's not coming off. - Okay, guys.
I was just with Pascal. He's been driving the boat
and he's really pleased with the work you've done today.
So thanks for that.
And he'd like you to join the party with us
until the main guests arrive.
- Aw. Thank you so much. - Thank you so much.
Cheers!
I was thirsty.
- Hold on to me, Joe, hold on tight. - I'm holding on.
- I'll never let go, Caspar. - You promise?
- I'll never let go. - Thank you.
I know it's hard to believe because I'm so fresh-faced
but this actually my...
Oh, my God. He's underneath me.
Oh, my God.
Go on, Caspar.
I think today, I would rate it a solid nine and a half.
The reason it doesn't get a 10 is because all the crew got their kit off.
And no one wants to see that.
Right now, I'm quite tired after all of that activity.
But inside, I'm just... I can't even explain, I'm so happy,
I had so much fun and I just really wish I had a boat.
It was the best experience of my life.
Okay, guys, you really did a good job.
You work well, you party hard.
It's really, really cool.
So, if you fancy a little more money, guys, a few euros,
I've got a couple of cars to clean. Would you be interested?
- Of course. - Yes, yes.
- Sure? Okay. So, let's do it. - Thank you so much.
- Thank you. - That's okay, guys.
- Thank you, Dad. - That was really cool.
Why is there not more people in the world like you, Pascal?
Careful we don't dent it.
Who is it?
- Was it the old man? - Yeah.
Oh, he's running away.
I think, without a doubt, that's been my favourite day.
Joe, wow!
Who would've thought when we left London without any money
we would end up on a yacht in the south of France?
You just couldn't write it, could you?
And Pascalas well, when we first met him,
I was thinking, "Oh, God, this guy looks shady."
Turned out to be the nicest guy we've ever met.
And he said, "Let me know when you're next in the south of France."
And we can go back on there again and do some more work.
- Oh, he is the best. - I know.
Being on that boat really reminded me of South Africa, like,
- blue sky, the fresh air, the adventure. - Blue water.
Also, how the hell did you fall in, you plonker? How did that happen?
Well, you know, I was chatting up the girls and, uh,
obviously being a bit risky at the same time
by leaning over the side and then all of a sudden, I kind of fell in.
But they thought it was cute, to be honest.
If only we could always have a super-yacht on hand
- whenever we meet girls. - Oh, that would help.
Joe, I've got to be honest with you, um...
All of that boating has made me very tired.
Yeah, me too, man.
Do you think I can have a little nap? Like an hour or two and then...
Yeah, mate. Oh, no, no, you go ahead.
No, no, it's fine. I'll just sit here on my own.
I'll start singing. I'll sing to myself.
That's fine, I can handle this whole trip. It's fine.
- You sure? - Yeah, no, no, no.
Honestly, that's fine.
It's fine. No, no, no, no, no. No, stop that, it's fine.
We've got this.
Mate, look.
- Look where we are. - Where?
Barcelona.
- What? - Yeah.
How long was I asleep for?
About four hours.
Aw. Sorry.
So, listen. We've got plenty of euros, we're in Barcelona,
I say we treat ourselves to a nice hostel, warm showers.
- What do you reckon? - Oh, Joe.
You're crazy sometimes.
How do I get down?
Joe, I must say that it was really worth the money
going to that hostel.
- I feel so refreshed. - Yeah, I know.
You do have some good ideas.
So nice. I don't have many good ideas but when I do have a good idea,
it's normally good.
Anyway, before we set out on this trip,
I arranged to meet a YouTuber called Mellow.
But the only thing was I arranged to meet her at 10:00 a.m. today.
But I don't have my phone on me, have I?
Neither have you. Director Brian's got them.
I hate him.
Hopefully, she'll be there to meet us.
- Where? - Christopher Columbus statue?
- Where's that? - I have no idea.
So, just keep an eye on for it.
- Christopher Columbus statue? - Yeah.
- Oh, wow, is that it? - Oh, that's it. Yeah, that big old...
Christopher Columbus, good old Chris.
Didn't he direct Harry Potter?
I thought it was Titanic.
Mellow?
- Hey, how you doing? - Oh, Joe!
- Good to see you. - How are you?
Hi, lovely to see you.
- How are you, dude? - Sorry we're late.
I've been texting you for like six days now, emailing, what happened?
I know, I'm so sorry.
- Basically, see this guy over here? - Yeah.
That's Brian, the director. He took our phones off us from day one.
- So I couldn't reply. I'm so sorry. - Oh.
- He's a massive asshole. - Yeah.
Oh, okay.
I heard that you need to earn some money, right?
- Yes. Oh, yeah. - And that you're good at drawing.
Yeah, I've got an A-level in art, but that was ages ago.
Okay. I know some guys that, uh...
One does portrait
- and the other one does caricature. - Yeah.
And they're letting us use their stand for an hour, if it's early.
- That sounds great. - Awesome.
So if you want to try, I mean, you could earn some money. It's good.
Sweet. Sounds good. Let's do it.
I've known the artist for about a year now.
And, well, he and his friend were really happy to help the guys.
I've got this.
Hello, so, okay, what's your name, sorry?
- Danielle. - Danielle. I'm Joe.
I'll be drawing you today.
Okay, let's get going.
The first guy I met was a lovely dude who... He's a programmer or something.
He was really nice, very friendly.
How long have you been doing this?
I can't remember but my earliest memory was when I was three years old.
Keep very, very still.
Just getting the measurements of your head.
I remember seeing people painting and thinking, "How can I do that?"
I spend more time looking at paper than I do the real world, sometimes.
You look very young, how old are you?
I'm actually 23.
Yeah, I look very young for my age. I think it's like an artist thing.
I think, Joe, he tried, so...
You know.
You've got a lot of hair.
- Yes, it was longer. - Oh, really? That's really nice.
One of my customers was a girl from Israel.
She was really sweet, she had a beautiful smile.
Um... And I kind of ruined it.
You have very nice eyebrows.
Kind of like... Do you know Cara Delevingne?
- What? - The model?
- No. - Very good eyebrows.
Yeah, maybe went a little bit too hard on the eyebrows
but I don't know, I think eyebrows is a great thing.
As you've learnt from this trip, it can get you really far.
It feels like the pencil's attached to my body.
But I travel the world doing art.
Kind of cultural type of artistic style.
Right. I think I'm ready to show this to you now.
I think you're going to love it. You're going to love this.
This is a portrait of you.
What do you think?
Uh, I made her look a little bit like the thing
from Planet of the Apes, which wasn't good.
And you got a great smile.
So, I thought I'd capture that. And great eyes, great eyebrows.
Oh, wow.
- That's awesome. - Are you really happy with it?
I'm really happy with it.
Before I give it to you, I just have to give it a little signy-sign.
Otherwise it's worth nothing.
Fifty. Yes!
I was really thankful that the Israeli man gave me euros,
because, let's be honest I'm not the best artist.
When you look at this, how does it make you feel?
That maybe I would like my money back?
- Hola! - Hola.
How are you doing?
I'm, uh... I'm going to be drawing you today.
I don't know what his name was, so I just called him Colin.
There was a bit of a language barrier. But we got on really well.
Where's the best places to go out in Barcelona?
Barcelona.
Where are the best, like, nightclubs?
- Holiday. - Holiday.
We chatted about things like Jägerbombs, nights out in Zante.
I went to place called Zante once in Greece
for a lads holiday.
It's where I discovered the... discovered Jägerbombs.
Do they have Jägerbombs out here?
Please, can you concentrate for a second? I'm trying to work here.
Your mum's paying good money for this. I want you to concentrate, okay?
A little bit of maturity.
He's like my new best mate. In fact, like...
If Caspar ever moves out, first person I'll ask to be my roommate is that guy.
I feel like this is kind of, like, the sort of place where
you can really get absolutely bladdered.
Yeah, I'm a great artist.
Look at me when I talk to you.
Have you ever been to, um, Magaluf in Spain?
People throwing up in the street,
get into fights all the time.
You would've loved it. Just shots after shots, as well.
Concentrate. Thank you. Thank you.
I think I will settle down at some point in my life.
You're probably in the same boat, we're just...
We're not at that stage yet,
we just need to go out and have fun.
Have you ever had a house?
And you attached loads of balloons to it, and you flew,
with a little, with a little Boy Scout
to South America to find a special bird?
- Yes. - I knew it! I knew I recognised you.
Okay, that's good.
Yeah, this is looking really good. I'm very pleased with this.
I'm just going to sign it.
What do you think?
You don't like it? Stop shaking your head at me.
I'm right here, you don't have to rude.
Uno, dos, tres...
Yeah!
My favourite moment was when the dog jumped on me.
You're so cute, Freezer.
You don't even have to pay me, I love you. Aw!
The dog really loved Caspar.
So, that was good.
I'm tired of working with humans, I want to work with animals.
He really liked the picture.
Oh, good.
If you're ever in London,
we'll go for drinks in Mahiki or somewhere.
Do you know these guys?
A friend of mine knows them. He just sets them up.
- Oh, wow. - She's got perfectly white teeth.
Oh, it's a woman. Hello.
Thank you.
I don't want to alarm you but I think your wife's dead.
That's not funny, Joe.
Just give him the money.
So, did you enjoy it?
- Yeah, it was really good. - Yeah?
- Really enjoyed it. - How much money did you make?
Uh... I made 60.
I made 35, so, 95.
That's really good for an hour's work. That's really good.
- Proud of you, Caspar. - You're the man.
You're the man, no, you're the man.
Yeah, I'm quite annoyed that I made less than him, though.
So, while you were doing the drawing, um, I made some phone calls.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
That's something we can't do. Brian.
I've got really nice jobs for you.
- Ooh, what are they? - Really? Yeah, what is it?
I'm not going to say but you'll find out.
Why is everyone staring at me? This is so weird.
I'm looking at the moon.
I really need a wee.
Personally, I was torn between two characters.
On one end, I wanted to be the scary dragon,
but the other side of me was still Caspar.
Hello! Oh, you're so brave.
Oh! There's a wasp in my eye.
To start with, I didn't really know who I was, to be fair,
I was stood there like, "Well, who am I supposed to be?"
Look at that. That's my speciality, that is.
Did Galileo do this, in Galilean times?
Then, I really got into character.
Have a look through there, what do you see?
It's amazing that even with, like,
complete foreign, like, language barrier,
all you need is a telescope, then you're best friends.
- Wow. - Yeah, it's good, isn't it?
It got to the point where I wasn't even looking, I could just hear ching, ching,
into the pot, and I was thinking, "Oh, this is good times.
"Someone's eating tonight."
Yeah, oh. Cheers, love.
Do you not find me, uh, scary?
No.
Sorry...
It really taught me not to judge a book by its cover.
Like I did when I met Joe.
Hold my telescope for me, love.
Is that a Joe and Caspar Hit The Road DVD?
Oh, yeah, it is. Oh, my God, it's amazing. Wow.
Don't worry, I'm a nice guy.
My arm is really aching.
You still looking at it? That is the Milky Way.
I think Joe's character is a bit lame.
Why are you nodding? That's not fair.
She's loving that. Look at that.
Oh, come on, can't you be scared?
Hey!
- Tell me what you see. - Eh, nothing.
Oh, yeah, I know. It's pretty bad, isn't it?
All right, guys, this is the moment of truth.
Let's find out how many Jägerbombs we can buy tonight.
Did you see that?
Yeah, buddy.
Making it rain.
Mate, I reckon there's well over 50 euros here.
- It's got to be. Or near 50, easily. - You think so? Bad.
Oh, with what we made earlier, we're going to have a crazy night.
I'm so excited to treat the crew.
It's going to be such a big party.
My head hurts.
That's the champagne talking, mate.
Come on, wake up.
That was... I'll tell you what, though, that was a crew party.
Phwoar!
I can't believe how far we've come.
This has been crazy.
I kind of hate myself for saying this, but I'm actually really proud of you.
- Really? - Like, really proud.
You've done proper work. How does it feel?
It feels weird you saying something nice to me.
I know, it feels weird to me, too. But, you know...
- It was fun. - Proper jobs, proper money,
proper work, how does it feel?
Amazing. Like, Barcelona, we were dressed up in, like, outfits,
I was a dragon, scaring little kids and old ladies,
and it was really cool.
And the portrait painting, Colin, the old man.
Colin may have been cute, but my dog...
He was... Oh... I just wanted to grab his little face and go...
Oh, my head. That really hurt my head.
Sorry.
What else did we do?
- Oh, the boat! - Yeah, Pascal.
- Pascal. - What a legend.
I can't believe... I still remember his number in my head.
I'm usually really bad with numbers, but because it was Pascal, I had to.
And that little weird red thing,
I don't even know what it was, but it was bloomin' marvellous.
- And his cars... - Oh!
I was a bit worried about you with the cars for a few seconds,
you got quite obsessed.
I didn't realise, but I love Katy. Look at her. She's beautiful.
She is, isn't she?
I'll tell you what, Joe, in Milan, you really cracked me up.
With the mascot kit.
Oh, I know, that was...
I think this is hot, that was twice as hot as this.
- But you were so good at it. - You're sweating now, right? Yeah.
You were like... You were moonwalking and skateboarding.
I was skate boy, skate boy.
That's not even a word. Like skate boys. Yeah. That's the one.
Yeah.
And then when I gave you that T-shirt
and you got really angry 'cause it was so small
and you fell and hurt your knee.
Yeah. It still hurts now.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- No, it's this one. - Oh.
It's fine. Don't touch it, it's fine.
Hey, what about the crew getting their kit off?
- At the model agency? Yeah. - Yeah. That's the...
That time, not the other four times, but that time was really funny.
For me, Verona was my favourite city, 'cause the whole thing was beautiful,
- not just certain parts. - Yeah, yeah.
- And the pizza. Marcello! - Oh, yeah.
Marcello, the pizza.
I really want to meet more Marcellos 'cause they're all awesome.
- And Anastasia, the opera singer. - Yeah.
She... She definitely... Have you spoke to her since?
No, I'm worried that she's going to hurt me.
Remember when we stopped off at Lake Garda so I go for a dump?
And we saw the seagulls bonk. I really enjoyed that.
It's crazy to think that it all started back in Venice, as well.
Yeah, with the gondolas, and... And Julia.
- Julia! - We really liked her.
Oh, yeah. It's a passing phase, though. I can't do long-distance, I can't.
I'm sure she probably has another boyfriend by now.
Probably, yeah. And you falling in.
Oh, my God. You fell in the water.
I really actually didn't like that.
Stop laughing.
You know, meeting up with Greta for ice cream...
Oh, my God! Oli!
How about I go get four ice creams?
I'll be two minutes.
Thirty minutes?
- An hour. - Yeah.
Oh!
I was kind of looking forward to an ice cream
but this is way better.
Guys?
Caspar?
Joe?
Oh, it's so hot in here.
Go! Go.
Are you sure it's down here, Caspar?
I've got a fourth sense about this.
I can... I remember that part.
I just really hope he's here.
- Oh, that street, yes. - Yes.
- Oh, no. - Oh, my God.
Oh, look at him.
Oh, God!
- Oli! - Where have you guys been?
Mate...
What happened?
Where have you been?
I've been texting you for the last week standing here with ice cream.
We weren't allowed to use our phones, were we?
That was part of the challenge, we weren't allowed to use any phones.
I don't care! Do you know what kind of week I've had?
I've been outside on that bench for a whole week.
- Look, I've even lost a shoe. - You've lost a shoe?
Yeah, a dog stole it.
- And it's all over your hands. - I know, I'm an absolute mess.
- I stink. - You're gross.
I know. No, you guys aren't friends. You are not good friends.
- Come on, let's get you home. Come on. - It's time to go home.
- Can I go in the front? - Absolutely no way. You stink.
Joe! Come on, please.
Come on, get in the back. Get in the back.
- Oh... - Come on. We fixed the DVD player.
Oh, yes.
Your journey home will be fine. Get in there.
Right, what DVD are we going to watch?
- Into the Blue. - And don't spill it on the floor.
Oh, it's already... Sorry, Joe. It's already on the floor.
Oh, it's on my shoe! My only shoe. It's on my shoe as well!
To be fair, though, Oli, we did go to some pretty amazing places.
- Where did we go? - You would have loved it.
Verona, Milan, Cannes, Barcelona.
We went everywhere.
- Yeah, guess where I was? - Where?
Sitting on a bench with some soggy ice creams.
At least you've got a big old beard on you now.
Yeah, and at least I lost a shoe by a dog.
You know what I feel like? That beard really defines your face.
- It's nice. - Really?
Did you meet any interesting people on the streets of Venice?
Yeah, I made a couple of good friends.
Uh, probably wouldn't hang out with them again
but yeah, it was interesting.
Did you learn any Italian?
Uh, no...
I hope you guys enjoyed the film!
We enjoyed making it so much
and just wanted to thank the first 8,000 people who pre-ordered it.
Yeah, and your names will be up in the credits right now.